long weekend ahead

Kyle sent me this song one day when i was at University of Alabama.. he said he knew i would like it
and i did
and i do
and i cry to it
i cry myself to sleep with it
it helps to have something to cry to when the tears wont come when you want them to

Its going to be a rough weekend.
I mean
i love my parents
but
i want love more than anything
i want to be held
nearly a year ago my mom and dad called me at 8am.. i knew something was wrong
Kyle had died
so much for classes
i went home
couldnt cry
and through out the year
did things i shouldnt have done
that poeple wouldnt have approved of
spiraled a but out of control
but i lived
i stepped out of my comfort zone







and
the most important thing to me in my life right now
hope hes getting closer to wanting me
maybe
tho he didnt come tongiht
but i didnt think he would
but i still want him still need him all that stuff
but its so hard when my mom needs me.. my dad wants more than anything for me to stay here.. makes it clear in small.. cute little ways...
when i love the time with Emily and the fun and the highs (not literally-anymore(trying to get a joB!))
when i cant stop thinking about Kyle and how much i want him to see how much ive grown
how much i think about him
how much i want him to approve
when i have 3 job offers in the air.. that contacted me,,. bu its been nearly almost a week,, since ive heard back after i replied that i am interested...
when i feel slightly lost wehrever i go

CELTIC CROSSROADS

OO

OOOOOOOOOOOOYES
best night EVER
so far
i think
i dont know
but
wow

Emily and i went to see an Irish/Celtic band...
THEY REALLY ARE FROM IRELAND!
while i was dancing in my seat.. trying soo hard to stay put and not dance al over hte place
i knew
we were going to meet the band
and
OHYES we did
we went backstage.. cleaned up their food.. went to their parTAYYY...

we showed them waht hippie Alabama girls are..
we shocked their world
toook them back to our place
hookahed.. i beat their butt in N64.. jumped on the trampoline... danced a little more... drank a little more
and then
sadly
we had to take them back to our bus
with kind words.. close hugs and promises of a place to stay and play in Ireland..
i almost got an irish kiss.. but i got scared and pullled away..
aWWW..

so emily and i
are contemplating being groupies..

weekend UPDATE!

Now..
I dont know
wrapped up in him
and im okay with the way he feeels..
i know he loves/likes me.. he said so.. just not the way i do him.. if that makes sense
and yes
it hurts
it does
and iwant to be loved
and i want to hold treasures that he has given me.. letters.. notes.. memories of attempts to cook or entertain me..
but no
he had done so much for me though
and i let him know.. i tell him..
this is hte year of growing and finding myself
he has helped me with my self confidence (but also shattered it many times)
he made me see that i can be beautiful.. sexy even.. wanted... (though at other times its hard to see)
his foods are different.. far from my safe/comfort foods.. and i enjoy sharing with him.. in the comfort that i know i wont eat the entirething because iam with him.. and wouldnt allow that.. tho if i were on my own with some of thsoe foods i could probably eat hte entire thing.. given the state ive been in lately...
but
i think the thing that gets me the most
is that
he DOESNOT have to be drunk.. to drink.. to be with me.. to sleep with me..
and that means a LOT..
though he has said things
like
"we bothi know im going to find someone else and i dont want to break your heart when that happens"
and different things
i mean
sure
okay
i can accept the fact that i am only wiht him "for the moment"
cuz there is nothing else better for him at the moment
but
that doesnt change the fact that i will do
and have done
anything for him

i was thinking of alll the things i have done for him.. made for him.. bought for him..
and i have nothing to remember him by
but
memories
of sitting around all day
and that is another thing.. i cant do that with just anyone..
just ask any of my friends.. i am not a sit around and do nothing person..
i am a go getter.. do somethinger.. randomly walk and browse and explore..

but this weekend he was beautiful
and i miss him even more tonight
and that sucks
because

yea

I JUST WANT TO BE LOVED. tO BE WANTED.. to BE APPRECIATED.. to have somene want me. .all of me.. and commit to me..
just play with my hair..
share foods with me..
let me cook and clean..
go out with me so i can have a margarita
hold me
and
....
and im all yours

I've Learned:

Soo...
I went to my Couchsrufing.com website.. looked up people from Omaha.. sent out emails to many (if not al) of them and asked them to convince me to move to Omaha.. tell me about the city.. what they like to do.. why they are there, etc.
the response i got was sad
most everyone was warning me awway.. saying its boring.. cold.. not much nature/hiking.. bad public transportation..
but good":
cheap.... GOOD live/indie music scene... ALL 4 seasons..

Anyway..
i happened upon one guy who i was emailing and found a quote that realy REALLY touched me...
SO
so sososo
true..

->I know its a LOT to read.. but it is true.. and makes you think...
or atlast it did to me..

"I've learned"

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. And it's not the end of the world.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people, It's what they do about it. I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done When it needs to be done regardless of the consequences. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't five me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
I've learned taht your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love and be loved.
I've learned.

- Omer B. Washington

3 jobs... decision time..

3 jobs..

1. PAcific Science Center
30 hours (A MONTH)
http://www.pacsci.org/
the place i GREW UP going to.. with dinosaurs that roar and moan and squirm... and huge water room with literally canals of water all around the room... a warm tropical butterfly house that retains heat and light and butterflies all year round... all in the shadow of the Space Needle..
but
30 hours a month
in a VERY expensive city
tho i do have friends in the area already..
and its the place ive always wanted to go back to..
and a place that i KNOW people will come visit me..
Id only be doing birthday parties and occasional weekend educational class or activity..
SOOOOOO Id need to find another job...

2. Henry Doorly Zoo
http://www.omahazoo.com/
one of hte BEST zoos in the world
the city where i had my liver transplant back in 1988.. .I already contacted the place where i had my transplant.. the transplant team.. they were excited for their success story...
the zoo where my mom used to take me there whenever she could get me out of the hospital
that i randomly emailed in hopes there was a position...
they called me back to interview for the sleepover staff.. where i get to lead tours and programs and activities for groups that spend the night at the zoo..
SO much fun (so it seems...)
but
its soo far away from any and every ocean.. seems quite boring.. no beauty... cold cold cold..
but my DREAM is to work at a zoo.. and this is my foot in the door..

3. McWane Science Center..
RIGHT near my old college town.. so lots of people i could visit... and play and party...
25 hour a week.. working birthday parties.. and teaching classes for kids 3-6... and "walking the floor" and engaging children and their families.. cleaning.. etc.
the lady who interviewed me was SUPER enthusiastic about me and immediately took me to her boss and the other lady i was supposed to visit in the 2nd interview..
more hours than any other.. but i am not impressed with a lot of Birmingham.. but i LOVE the McWane center...

I interviewed there yesterday.. after a day that got progressively worse and worse.. broke down to tears 6 times by 2:30... visitted my good friend Trent :) :) : ) my inspiration.. before he left for Australia for 8 months.. he has opened up a world of possibilities and options and points of veiw that i NEVER would have had access to if it wasnt for him
STayed at a couch surfers place.. drank a bit too much and woke up still slightly shaky and drunk and icky and the migrane/headache/tummyache/hangover got worse and worse as i tried to decide where to head to next
Andalusia.. back to Emily.. tho shed be at a funeral.. and then off doing her own thing..
Augusta... to be with my parents and brother.. last time we are all together before Summer.. Gregs leaving for school Satruday..
Asheville.. to talk it out with JP.. face to face instead of over the phone and facebook.. i know the truth of how he feels.. and i knew.. and after a bit of sadness and :( i got over it and shrugged it off.. that doesnt change how i feel.. and he still cares..
SO
AUGUSTA tonight..
ASHEVILLE tomorrow
ANDALUSIA sunday
then..
back to Augusta.. to be with parents.,, and new friend.. hopefully eventually ill find a place to settle down
i need a therapist

EMILY!!

IM HERE!
Im here
with emily..
no jobs.. but Emily is here :)
She has such a different.. such a fun lifestyle and spirit!
I love my room.. its blue.. with paint splatters..
but i now feel even more lost.. in a way..
have job potentials in the air
Henry Doorly Zoo.. did a job interview in the car (NOT PREPARED.. he just started it the first time i called and I was too flustered to ask him if we could do it another time..)
Pacific Science Center... 2nd and final interview today where i get to do a sample lesson over the phone.. its only 30 hours per month-ish.. BUT ITS IN SEATTLE! and i get to work at the place that was my FAVORITE as a child.. birthday parties.. weekend classes..
McWane Center... Birmingham, AL.. I thought it was the science center i went to with my parents a few times.. but quickly realized that place is in MOBILE-not Birmingham.. so some last minute research into what the place is about will go on before the interview tomorrow at 3

AND then i couch surf at a friends in Birmingham...
and then EITHER
back to Emily Friday
or
to Augusta to have him come over for the night..

I kinda REALLY want him to come.. no one else will be there.. i want to show him where im coming from.. in terms of my life.. my family.. my house.. etc.

MOVING.. and Romeo and Juliet..

Mannnnn
I cant believe I am actually doing this.. just up and move.. its not like Andalusia, AL will be much be much better job-wise..
but i need Emily.. I really do
But wow..
its starting to hit me..
I cried off and on all day today..
NEVER felt so alone and unwanted... packing up my car.. my LAST DAY here... and no one is around..
HIM And Zack are both working.. I cant get ahold of anyone in Asheville..
SOOO Emotional today-> in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad way..
thinking of all the things.. piled up..

>Anniversary of Kyle's death
-how he was sOSO SO horrible to me.. but yet he was the one who caught me and told my parents about my eating disorder... and stuck up for me when they got on my case... how i never cried at his "funeral" ... how i looked up to him soo much and all i wanted was his approval.. and never really got it.. tho other people said differently..
>Friend in Newfoundland died last week.. Jackie.. :(
-and i cant attend the funeral because im soo far away.. such an amazing person..
>VERY little money.. less than id ever had in my life.. and that SCARES me
>NO job.. mine here was given away.. but she claims shes more than willing to bring me back if i stay.. she says im the best employee and im also her babysitter.. and shes german.. and i love her.. and she cried when she learned i was leaving.. and her baby gives the best hugs and says my name now nad I can never tell if hes speaking german or baby babble and i was the only one who could put him to sleep-NOT EVEN HIS GRANDPARENTS could do that.. .
>HIM :( no comment.. but i will miss him like no other.. tho i cry and drink over him... a lot.. .
> all of what Asheville has to offer.. head shops.. rainbow kids.. fun bars.. Harayz.. fun people.. Mast Gerenal STore.. Kilwins chocolates... Flat Rock Bakery..
>Mom getting drunk christmastime and telling all my relatives of how i got fired and have no job and going nowhere..
>too many false hopes in terms of job opportunity... why does no one want me? I WILL SOOOO MAKE IT WORTH THEIR TIME!!

more too probaby...
but i need tog et back to my movie..

Mercutio's famous QUEEN MAB speech.. drug effects (I WANT MOLLY!!!).. and fish tank scene.. (SOOO pretty... such a beautifully romantic way to meet... amazing bathroom too :) and he really does look like an angel.. LOVE the "Young Hearts Run Free" dance...LOVE MERCUTIO!!!:)

my lips.. two blushing pilgrims ready stand.. to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss
palm to palm is holy palmers kiss... O TRESPASS SWEETLY URGED..GIVE ME MY SIN AGAIN!
and the looks on their faces when they realize who the other is.. soo heartbreaking..
"My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,
That I must love a loathed enemy."
"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou her maid art far more fair than she."
SHE SPEAKS! SPEAK AGAIN BRIGHT ANGEL

such beautiful words...

interesting how everyone is dressed up to represent the entirety of their characters
Romeo: Knight [Juliet's knight and shining armor]
Juliet: Angel [gentle, kind, sweet,pure,young,beautiful]
Tybalt: Devil [evil]
Mercutio: Diva [joker]
Capulet: Julieus Ceaser [king, lord]
Lady Capulet: Cleopatra [all buisness]
Paris: Astronot [well respected]

and now for the other version...

ha~its got the words at the bottom.. sorry thats kinda annoying.. but yea.. this version is amazing.. i love her bright blue eyes... soo pretty.. tho her boobs are poppiong out and rather LARGE for a "13 year old" TUCK THOSE LADIES IN~..though im trying to make myself believe its just the corset..

FINAL.. "DEATH" scene..
Version A (1968)

"When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars. And he shall make the face of Heaven so fine, that all the world will be in love with night, and pay no worship to the garish sun".


And in this one.. he actually SEES that shes alive just as the poison is about to set in... traGIC!! and hes crying the whole time.. and the flashbacks... BUT SO DIFFERENT THAN HOW SHAKESPEARE PICTURED IT...

randomnes.s.s..s.s.s....

WHAAAHHHPOOSH!!


..scandalous..


EMILY!! IM COMING~~

I miss Quizno... :/

"are You lonesome tongiht" Elvis..
AN D
the song that came on
my playist..

DITCHED! and German baby..

well.
hes workin til sundy
the day i leave
it SUCKS to fall for someone who doesnt care about you
sometimes he says he does.. but he doesnt really prove it much

BUT
I got baby love from little orlando :)
It is fun to babysit and play iwth him~
hes nearly 2 and speaks German.. so there i am.. feeding him while hes looking at books pointing to different things and saying something.. And i cant tell if it is German or baby babble. .so I get out the german-english dictionary and try to figure out what is going on.. then i look up "what" and say taht a lot.. and "yes" and "no" and "good" and "sleep" and "play"
A rather absurd picture tho.. a babyistter desperately looking to communicate with this baby that barely speaks at all and is a mix between German and baby babble...
he gives the best hugs tho :)
at least he loves me.. And Carina (the mommmy)

I was feeling like shit yesterday.. so i went out.. got a hair cut.. put on a little short dress, thigh high socks and heels.. met up with a friend i hadnt seen in a couple years and we ended up talking for a good hour while he was supposed to be working.. EArthFare.. and then I left. . talked to another friend and HE invited me to the EarthFare party for EarthFare workers.. and i met up with my other friend there..
as the drinks kept coming i kept getting worse at Darts.. and forgetting i had on my short dress.. teasing (i guess) the boys behind me as i fumbled around to pick up the dart that fell and STUCK in the ground.. or that went high up on the mantle..
Last night was fun :)

Tonight is not :(
WHAT A BLOW.. to come home after babysitting only to find out the person you;d been waiting for you wont see until the DAY YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.
:(
so i drank
drank the b roth from 2 cupOnoodles and rumemd it up
and cried
and wished i didnt drink so i could go out to Asheville to show people what im made of..

...soo hard to leave...

AAAAAHH
not good..
but its so beautiful
and making it soo hard to leave...
hes been soooo sooo sooo good to me..
and i dont know why
why me?
what is so special about me?
Is it just that i am next door?
He came by the past two nights.. took me back to his place.. fell; asleep in his arms watching the movie.. and i was on my way back to my bed.. but he said,.. both nights.. "no.. i want you here with me..."
:/
I dont want to leave anymore..
but cant afford it here..

AND my boss keeps asking me to babysit.. so im making money... and working at the studio one a week.. and she wants me to come along with them to Hondurus or Belize so that they can scuba dive and i can play with Orlando.. and then they will give me time to play too..

but i need to go to emily...

missing...

i miss newfoundland..




and i miss Kyo..
and hes goneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee still... :(
and im no longer the middle child
im now the oldest
and my parents tell me he said, "She may not ACT all that smart all the time, she hides it well. I know she is. She's going to go far. Watch out for her."
and look where i am now..

WASHINGTON PICS!!

LEAVENwORTH!
pretty little bavarian town..


More Leavenworth prettiness...


Red Lion Inn: Wenatchee, WA


Outside my grandpa's "home"


Some bar in Fremont...


Snowy Fremont night!:)


ITS THE TROLL UNDER THE BRIDGE!!


And Lenin!! Fremont.. Center of the Universe...

YAY FOR SEATTLE!~!
YAY FOR WASHINGTON!!
YAY FOR SNOW!!

besT SONG EVER!

BEST SONG EVER
..for the moment..
i tried to get the REAL song posted on here.... but its all disabled
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xeKjbKzG3yo
is the link
play
ing
dance
its beautiful
and catchy
its a good sing in hte car song.. hehe

EAT the light..

hehe/TRYING to eat the light.. but it never quite ended up in my mouth..

highlights..

Oi!
What a reality check..
I did not really want to come back here..
I had SUCH a fun time hopping around to different peoples houses.. "Old college friends".. which makes me feel old to say.. tho the majority of them are out of school too.. or near it..
Lets see... Highlights:"

-an interesting pay back for a friend buying me a bowl of soup for lunch
-sharing a 40 oz margarita and stumbling back to my friends place and attempting to play Super Mario the rest of the night
- agreeing (while the the midst of the margarita) to meet a friend at the Zoo in Birmingham and not realizing until almost an hour and a half before we were supposed to meet (and its a good hour away)
-having a friend call call call callcall call and getting mad that i didn't spend all my time with him
-going with a friend while he made a "deal" at this sketchy house.. but yet soooo thrilling..
- calling up a friend at 11 at night asking if i could stay the night at his place.. while i was still at the bar..
-THERES A SLOTH AT THE ZOO NOW!!!!
- my mom yelling at me for doing nothing with my life and accusing me of not trying to apply for jobs and saying i should go to grad school.. then admitting we didnt have hte money for grad school.. then inviting me to stay at the house if things got worse
-discovering i barely had enough money to pay rent for February
-NO CALL BACK FROM THAT PLACE IN EVERET!!! :( :( :( :( :(
- sexual tension while looking at bananas in the grocery store as a man proceeded to ask me, "How do YOU eat bananas... wanna show me?"
-coming home to my little cottage to find my little mousey left me presents all over the floor and counters in the kitchen
-getting out of the plane.. arriving at my car.. and finding a pretty little box with a bow on it.. my dad bought me cowboy boots!~ ha!
-meeting the MOST INTERESTING person ever on the airplane.. kinda made me want to join the mile high club.... though i lied because it was actually at the airport and i was wearing my tutu because it didn't fit in my bag... its fun to play with the layers
-Plane-wide interactive trivia game on the airplane.. My name was Gdogg }(I couldn't put in my brother Greg's name because the buttons were too sensitive and would put GGgggrrr ... I almost left it at that) with my mom as my dad.. my dad as my mom,.. and my brother as me..

SEATTLE:
-arriving at the airport at 5 at night.. waiting outside for the shuttle to take me to the Tacoma Dennys.. in Flip Flops and s short dress...
-my wild and crazy friend from High school/middle school.. is now married and pregnant and astounded at the fact i have tattoos and "buddies" and dont have a steady job
-Wenatchee: house full of 12 kids and 9 adults (dont worry.. i was considered an adult) for 2 days and nights
-going out in the cold alone.. sledding for a good hour.. till i was soaked, exhausted, numb and caked in snow... then proceeded to cook quesadillas for the children.. while sipping on wine.. finishing up most all of the bottle.. and going back downstairs to play air hockey and Wii with my small cousins.. while strung out on wine... I actually got BETTER at air hockey.. but worse at Wii
-visiting an old friend ,. with quite a history.. that includes sneaking out of my friends house with her and meeting this boy and her boy.. for a whole week in a row.. a good 7 years ago..
-playing Taboo and pictionary with my parents and their friends from college (who are like my 2nd parents)
-I got "Cockroach" on Taboo...she has split it into 2 sections and started saying "Weiner.. penis.. you suck it" of course in my stupor i shouted out "COCK!!" while everyone else seemed stumped.. moving on to 2nd part "the end of burnt out blunt" and i went at it again: "ROACH!" .. everyone continued staring.. apparently i wasnt supposed to know these things..

BUT BUT BUT
I have been trying.. since October.. putting out resumes and cover letters and inquiries.. either i get nothing or led on... AND IT FEELS LIKE I AM UNWANTED.. unworthy of having a job.. and that is NOT cool.. because i KNOW i can do the job once i get one...
but i begin to second guess myself sometimes..
and moneys low....
not quite enough to pay for Februarys rent..
have to move out somewhere.. either hole up with a friend for a bit (doesn't matter where in the country either)... or go to my parents.. or grandparents.. or aunt and uncles near Denver..
And i stil feel big and awkward and ugly... but im working on that.. or trying too...

New Years... :) :) :) :) :)

Oh woow....
New Years..
WHAT A WAY to blow in the new year!!
2 nights of mind blowing.. breathtaking.. soul bearing.. raving raging mind altering music.. lights.. and tripping..

it was amazing.. it was beautiful..

Sound Tribe Sector 9.. LIVE at the Tabernacle in Atlanta, GA.. 4 nights.. 4 opportunities.. I only went twice.. but wow.. and oh how i wish i could go again
oh how i cannot wait to go again
i want that feeling again..

raving.. raging.. all night long.. Molly.. Lucy.. among others...

dancing alone.. dancing with others.. dancing with boys...
--just because i dance close to you doesn't mean im going to sleep with you...

I kept moving from place to place.. wherever there was an open space i inched in... until i was front and center.. surrounded by hte beauty of everyone and bathed in the lights and colors as they splashed off everyones body.. showering us down below in splotches of colors.. all of us dancing as one.. as each other.. moving together.. with the music as our guide.. the lights as our eyes..

I got ditched the first night.. my friends left me at the Tabernacle.. of course i had no idea what was going on.. had lost track of time and space.. I just saw everyone filing out and laughing... some people were not too happy.. one was on the floor shuddering.. That was when the world started turning into nightmare puke.... people started morphing into things i didn't want to see... there was a girl who was crying.. her mouth was melting off of her face.. in the same sort of expression of "the Scream" painting.. I flowed with the crowd outside.. hoping to find a friendly face.. a couple people came up to talk to me but i couldn't get any words out.. The cold was chilling to the bones and police sirens were everywhere.. i had no idea how to get back to the hotel.. no idea which direction it was in.. no idea where my friends were-even if they WERE at the hotel, how would i get into the room?
and then
the phone call..
bliss flew through me as i realized i was going to be saved.. i just couldn't quite tell him where i was.. "somewhere... outside.. all i can see is people.. and a street.. and a big blue sign" was about all i could say..
but before too long he came hoping out from the crowd and led me home---calling out for me to catch up due to the fact i was fascinated and enthralled by every little thing on the street.

After show.. i found a fun friend with fake dreadlocks.. met him randomly.. danced all night.. made him squirm.. and then left straight up-=- oops..
i wouldntve minded staying... and there were certain naughty thoughts in my head... but i never followed through.. yes i WAS tripping.. BUT i still knew better..



The 2nd day we explored and visited different rooms.. i met some of the Sound Tribe Family followers.. but felt slightly out of place since they all knew each other.. and had known each other for a LONG time...

The 2nd NIGHT i tried some things i probably shouldn't have.. I only took one hit of the Lucy-but was still raving and wide awake and fascinated by my wiggly fingers until 8 am... I found another fun friend to share the night with... he kept feeding me blunts and other things (nothing bad--water and drinks) and
BOOM!
Midnight...
the Tabernacle exploded in a HUGE cloud of fluttering silver confetti bits.. it lasted for a good 10 minutes (though i was tripping so time was a little off) and the whole time i stood still.. shocked.. amazed.. fascinated.. by the beauty that was falling all around me..