Question..

Then again
in all my driving
i cant help but think
contemplate
wonder...

CAN you really swim in jello?
would you SINK??
would you get STUCK??
im sure it would make a difference it if it were solid or if it were crumbly.. smaller bits of jiggliness..

i swear to you
thats the question that i mull over while i am driving
over and over..
picturing the jello abrilliant blue color..

weekend UPDATE!

Its really depressing to be shot down by so many jobs... to not get a reply at all..

this weekend.. starting Saturday.. has been not fun.. disappointment after event after bad thing..
First.. left him.. he had to work.. :( after an amazing time .. i had to leave him.. but i understand.. he needs to work..
drove 5.5 hours to meet up with a friend who wasn't in town yet..
so i tried to track down a tattoo parlor to do another tattoo..couldn't find one..
so i parked and wandered the Quad.. among the shirtless frat boys playing endless rounds of ultimate frisbee...
it WAS a beautiful day... and it brought back wonderful memories of the good times I had laying around and painting out on the grass greeting random people as they walked by.. taking them hostage and feeding them cookies and other random things that I had.. making them paint with me.. wandering off to my place to indulge in hookah and homemade goodies.. music and N64.. .
Then she FINALLY made it!! :) And we visited her friend and the poor thing had too much fun the night before so fell asleep and didnt go out (until after I had given up and left on my own)
SOOO
I went to the bar.
met a friend
got abducted and attacked by my old roommate to the point i SHRIEKED like a banshee and dropped my drink (nothing was left)
got drinks bought
stared at some transvestite hookers that were in the same bar
saw my exes friend and unzipped one of his jacket pockets and found a bunch of condoms (the CONDOM POCKET)
ran into an old friend.. the tattooed up one that inspired me to get tattoos and gave me my first experience with MaryJane..
,kept getting texts from another friend who wanted me to go to his friends show (which actually was the reason hy I CAME to town in the first place.. but got districted easily away from it)
ended up MEETING with this old friend.. pretty much ditching Joe and my roommate.. knew I was getting into a mess but wanted it anyway...
we went to the house where everyone was rockin out.. chillin.. playing STS9 and talking... I kept thinking i should leave.. but never did... I should have.. i really should have..
got offered Lucy.. and when I realized the price he was asking (for me to F*** him) I kicked him in that area with my heels and bolted.. tried to sleep on the couch.. had to fight off one guy and ended up leaving and driving and parking in front of my other friends apartment and sleeping in the backseat of my car because i didn't want to call and wake her...
Had to drive another friend home the next day.. on the way down to Andalusia.. he didn't talk to me much at alll... which made it weird for me...
got pulled over for speeding.. 69 in a 55... cried my eyes out because of all that was gong wrong.. the cop let me off because I told him i was just dropping a friend off and on my way home (to Augusta) and he didn't want me to have to drive back to Alabama to do the court thingie so I got off free...
got home to Emilyss
waited for her
never showed
got rejected for 2 more jobs
i fell asleep early
no call from him either
wanted it
wanted to call him
but i dont want to be the needy little lady... tho i kinda am.. i just dont want to be
and hate that i cant stop thinking of him
and my dads work is VERY near shutting down
and my Moms getting worse
and so i drove home today
only to have them yell at me for not having a job
again

i just feel lost
aimless
homeless
unwanted
unworthy

with everything thats going WRONG in my life lately.. hes the only thing thats going right... even though hes got his own issues.. i do too though.. so...


Want to watch Trainspotting..

want
a job that is not TOO strenuous.. not TOO mainstream.. not TOO corporate.. not TOO far from wherever it is i want to be
a therapist
a kitchen to cook and experiment
a big trampoline to jump and play
friends and hookah time and play time and hug time and singing and talking and chilling and N64
and i dont want to grow up
and i am too scared to check my bank account
and i dont like driving al over the place
i need some sort of stability
i need this i nede that i want htis i want that i hate it
i want to be satisfied with my life
soon enough i guess...