And as always..
things go as they go

I get upset and sad because he said something that he didnt think would hurt me.. but did.. so i try not to cry.. he sees that i am "crying" and gets mad at me for crying.. "Why the F* are you crying?" and sometimes i am able to get away with it..
but today.. wow.. I get so triggered.. so upset when i hear that ANGER in someone voice towards me.. even if i KNOW they are upset at something else..
It terrifires me..
He is in the dentist now.. he will get out in a half an hour and depending on hpw he is feeling we may go on to Boone (I cleaned the entire downstairs before we left-being PROACTIVE) so all he would need to do is throw his stuff in hte car..
or wait and leave to go to Boone tomorrow

money is a big thing for me.
I do get scared at how quickly my money can go down.. especially when i see that he utilizes what i buy moreso than I do.. and if i bring it up he gets sooooo pissed off.. and lists off all the things he has paid for that i havent added money to..
and so i dont expect to get anything back
its not a fight i want to continue.
when he makes me happy i can be soo happy..
but when he wants to he can break my heart so deeply...