long weekend ahead

Kyle sent me this song one day when i was at University of Alabama.. he said he knew i would like it
and i did
and i do
and i cry to it
i cry myself to sleep with it
it helps to have something to cry to when the tears wont come when you want them to

Its going to be a rough weekend.
I mean
i love my parents
but
i want love more than anything
i want to be held
nearly a year ago my mom and dad called me at 8am.. i knew something was wrong
Kyle had died
so much for classes
i went home
couldnt cry
and through out the year
did things i shouldnt have done
that poeple wouldnt have approved of
spiraled a but out of control
but i lived
i stepped out of my comfort zone







and
the most important thing to me in my life right now
hope hes getting closer to wanting me
maybe
tho he didnt come tongiht
but i didnt think he would
but i still want him still need him all that stuff
but its so hard when my mom needs me.. my dad wants more than anything for me to stay here.. makes it clear in small.. cute little ways...
when i love the time with Emily and the fun and the highs (not literally-anymore(trying to get a joB!))
when i cant stop thinking about Kyle and how much i want him to see how much ive grown
how much i think about him
how much i want him to approve
when i have 3 job offers in the air.. that contacted me,,. bu its been nearly almost a week,, since ive heard back after i replied that i am interested...
when i feel slightly lost wehrever i go