soo..
home again
after super fun with Emily...
home for a night..
freaking out cuz the car wasnt ready..
dad let me use his car
and i went to him Thursday night
happy reunion
made my worries disappear.. atleast the ones of him being sick of me...
but hes still not well off
too much time on his hands and money in the bank..
there were fun tiimes though :)
that first night was nice..
Friday.. was a dud.. involving going back and forth to the DMV 3 times only to find out he couldn't get a new license (he lost his) because he has to pay a fine from an arrest/something that happened back in 2002... crashed early.. leaving me to wonder what to do for the rest of the night
Saturday.. we went to Taylors birthday party in Myryle Beach at an arcade.. he was out of it-but functional and we were able to play some games.. walk to the pier.. and decide that New Orleans would be a fun place to move... once again he crashed early..
Sunday.. we drove out to Myrtle beach with his mom and sister so they could all visit their uncle in the hospital.. crazy things happened that involved phone calls and i felt left out cuz i had NO idea what was going on.. it turned out little Taylor got to go with us for hte day while her grandparents went to visit the uncle in the hospital.. ANYWAY.. we went to a cool little boardwalk and Taylor and I had a ball feeding fish and finding all kinds of cool little shops and stores and themed restaurants and riding the Pirate Ship ride and then going to JimmyBuffet's Margaritaville.. i mostly hung with her.. but JP did come and walk beside me.. held my hand, etc. .. i drove him to get stuff again... and he crashed ear;ly again..
Today i left.
and even though he passed out around 7 three nights in a row ended up owing me $80.. etc. etc.
I had the deepest sadness.. the biggest urge to turn back
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SOOOOO GOOD TO ME
so sweet
telling me he loves me a million times a day
telling me hes going to marry me
and then does the things he does
and i try to explain to him how scary it is to me to find him afterwards.. or how frustrating and lonely it is to watch him pass out on me.. or nod off with the cigarette in his hand.. or over his food..

but i am still branching out
applying to places far away and near..
anything to do with animals.. outdoors.. kids.. any combination.

more later..

but also
im continuing my mission.. cracking down.. being more serious.. cutting out sugar, etc. eating healthier.. making a smoothie with fruit and soymilk for breakfast instead of skipping.. better better better