My Playlist for the moment...

Dashboard Confessional... "Ghost of a Good Thing"


3 Days Grace.. "I Hate Everything About You"


Iron & Wine.. "Boy with a Coin"


Hoobastank.. "Disappear"


Ferras.. "Hollywood's Not America"



Great Big Sea.. "Fast As I Can"

my weeker

Okay.
recap of the week.
aietaouijgadojg alkjfk adf;k;adjf adjfjhfa Sunshiney painting on the lake with friends ajhfajfipoaejwtoaijflkad late night hookah 19jfakjnbgak njdeikwnd adkj dinner party with bouncy balls and hoola hoops.. cant believe that this is my life! :] ajfhoiawjoijalk :[ :[ aoijaoijgn nekeandf SKULLDUGGERY! Irish jigs .. out until bar closing... is this really me doing all of this? :] aoaijfoignjng brownies marshmallows caramel hookah balls fun- Party up, awkward moments, anxious anticipation, clean up, How did i get myself into this? 2ioadfkjlnadlkjfh euphoric happiness and bombed out bottomness.. eager to believe that this is what it is.. glimpses of action and mingling with strangers while exchanging phone numbers, not that anyone will call or remember the next morning.. walking home from the party at 2:30 am the loneliest, coldest, longest, saddest, scariest walk i have ever experienced.. aklfja;oijaojdfa
Now what?
Is this what i want?
I don't know. It is fun! I love it! But I feel so exhausted and torn up and confused inside. It is fulfilling in the moment, but all i feel now is exhausted chaos. I get so caught up in things.. in the moment.. in the feeling.. in the fact that people do want to talk to me.. and then once i am alone, it is back to the same old...
why cant i just be?

I have gotten to know some amazing and spirit lifting people in the past week though. Strengthening the bond and letting myself open up to them.. I feel as though i can tell them anything and everything without being judged. They take me as i am. They are free.. like i want to be.. And i am becoming their little "protoge" and i love it. With them i am learning to accept myself and not think to harshly of myself.. i need them in my life. I can be lazy with them and i am fine.. it is not very often i can sit around and do nothing.. but with them i can..

Anyway.
I am beyond sleepy.
no more waiting for text messages that will never come..