:[

I
AM
A
PARTY
POOPER.
I dont drink...
I see all other people out there, laughing, taking tequila shots... one after the other...
Playing Beer pong, chugging down cup after cup...
Drunker by the moment..
Letting loose, swaying to the music, dancing close to each other, flaunting all they have...
And there I am... the lonesome sober one..
I felt alright about myself until I got to the party.
Everyone was already having a great time, already past the point of inhibition and soberity.
And there I am... the ucky girl in the midst of it all, wondering what is wrong with her.
I sent out texts to people... I called people... no answer...
I cut my hair off.
Still no real reaction.
It just hurts so much to pretend like I don't care and that I am fine. That smiling face hides the fears and tears.
What do I have to do?
Where do I have to go?
Who WILL talk to me?
Sometimes I do wish I could drink... drink it all away... and then sleep for 123289 years until people grow up and realize that life is fun even when you are sober. That I am a fun person. That I am desperately needing someone, anyone to realize ME...

Lovely Store!!

AMAZING!! Probably my favorite!! Belly Sucker tattoos!! Wear it around your belly button...Andddddd wait for the eyes to stare!! HERE!


A Toast stamper!!!!!! Arrrr Matey!! HERE!
Here's something for the cook!! Its a Voodoo "Ex" knife hodler!!! Just imagine your ex.... and stick the knives in!! HERE!
Hey!! Its a Dope Bag!!


I used to LOVE Goldfish... Andddd look at this necklace!!! WOW!! Now... you CANNOT put Goldfish in it, but it is pretty much like a silver plated Goldfish! REPRESENTIN' HERE!

It’s a clock for people who really don’t care what time it is!!! Find it HERE!

More Zoo Fun

Employees Only by ~nicolysis on deviantART
One fun thing... is going behind those "Employees Only" signs.. behind the doors and gates and locks... going behind the scenes... Where "normal people" don't venture... I get a fun feeling of glee inside of me as I go back there.. I LOVE it... Whether at the zoo.. or backstage at a concert or play... or anywhere that is mysterious to me...
At the zoo, I get to go in LOTS of "Employees Only" areas.. and I feel lucky and excited and honored all at the same time. :] I get to see how the zoo works... i get to see what the Zookeeper does... I get to see all that goes on to make things look as they do... taking care of and feeding the animals... cleaning up after them...
I also get to hear the radio.. the little remote radio where the employees at the zoo communicate with each other...
"I need all available bodies to come down by the farm to help move the bridge so it doesn't flood and float away."



We have a "Critter Room" by the educational building... One of the zoo keeper-lady-people took the little peacock, "Polka" out for a walk around the building... He made the cutest little chirpy noises!!

More thoughts...

Perhaps I am trying too hard....
I do try... I call people... text them,,, message them on Facebook... invite them over...
Lots of nothing... lots of empty...
I don't understand what is wrong with me.
The only person that is truly, genuinely happy to see me is my dad. He actually calls me... He wants me to go home... he begs me to play Scrabble with him...
Even at the zoo... I feel ostracized. There are 2 ladies who teach the classes and a lady who is in charge of the volunteers and a boy-man (just turned 22)... And, sure. they are nice enough... but I still can hear the *hush* when i walk past... as they talk amongst each others... hearing the word "intern" and questioning WHY i'm here...
Its not my fault that I am an intern.. I was accepted... I am waiting for directions.. for people to tell me what to do... The lady who actually hired me just kinda dumped me in the education area and told me that this is where I'd be interning... I said "Super!" anddddd started cutting out things and copying things for the teachers.. we eat lunch together..
...But i think i may be starting to grow on them... sometimes... at others times..... I don't know...
BUT...
the man-boy (22 year old) said goodbye to me!!! ^_^ He actually STOPPED, peeked his head in where I was copying 0123430921 copies of papers, and said, "hey!.... Bye!"
AND that was pretty much the highlight of the day...