For Kyle...
Explosions in the Sky "First Breath After Coma"



Iron and Wine "Boy with a Coin"
...love it...


Iron and Wine "Dark Eyes"

so.
today is a GORGEOUS day
which makes it hard to be sad... but as soon as i got on face book it fell ontop of me like a veil..
i sat, literally, in the middle of the coffee shop with tears streaming down my face..
People remembered
posted on my wall.. or on the wall of the group i made for him
and a couple personal messages from his friends..
and amongst all this his favorite song came on my itunes..
how appropriate
I do miss him
andi do wish he could see me now.. how far ive come from the dorky sister he used to know.. would he still treat me the way he used to? would we be able to have conversations? would he support me? what new music and movies would he inspire me to love?

Last night I decided enough was enough.
I mixed myself a drink.. played wii for a good hour or so, blasting feel good music..
Around 8:15 i sucked in my breath.. walked across the street to the bar and sat down..
Sadly.. there was only about 4 people in there so my hopes of meeting someone new and sharing a plate of cheese fries came crashing down
but i wasn't as sad as i thought i would be
i had done it
i had at least gotten the courage to try
and try again i shall

work is going.. slow.. the kids came for 2 hours this past week.. one girl came the whole week.. Wednesday we had three kids and Thursday we had 5. Friday we had none because the water pipes were not working.. which drags over to this upcoming week where our school is closed monday and maybe tuesday too due to no water.
so i am hoping they will call me in to sub for a class because i cant handle another lonely day.

today i woke up.. read for a couple hours in bed. got up.. did some of the videos.. went for a walk in a daze with the sun glaring down so the snow glistened like a million diamonds as the soothing sounds of Iron & Wine flowed through my headphones
and i desperately wish i had a friend to create footprints and messes on the untouched, smooth snow that lay all around me
but i was alone