Maybe its this place
maybe its being around him.. feeling self conscious... dont want him to be embarrassed to be seen with me.. or that he doesnt eat much.. and i can hear him in the bathroom.. doing what he does.. or the afteraffects..
and with every time i hear him puking.. every gag..
my mind warps it so that it seems.. it feels.. like my body is all that much more big.. soft.. fluffy..
whatever you call it

BUT
job tonight..
"training"
they dont know i will only be here 2 weeks..
but i am going to inform them that there is a good chance I will be moving over the summer
which is true
in 2 weeks it will be "summer" right?

BAH
mental mind games

and every time i feel this way
its a tug of war
abstain
or
munch munch munch until it evolves into a binge..
to make me feel even crappier

HOW CAN PEOPLE GO SO LONG WITHOUT FOOD.. and not have problems.. and still be okay.. granted.. he has some some things contributing to the fact..
:(

at home i felt lovely
i actually felt smaller.. like i had lost some
and now im back to where i was..