and today
i decided
(after doing 2 videos and a 6.5 mile hike)
that i am going to eat
not deny
at least today its going okay
i made DELICOUS dinner
of mixed veggies stir fried with some chicken and curry paste.. mmm..
and stopped by the grocery store to get some groceries.. AND sour gummi worms.. yes i ate more than i would have liked, but hey....
its okay
its okay
its okay
one day at a time
one hour at a time
its going

I want to break out of my comfort zone
but when i am about to.. offered the opportunity.. to spend the night at somenes house (enjoy myself and drink so i cant drive home)/. i stop drinking..sober up quick and drive home.. or chicken out on going OUT and instead opt to play board games .. which is fun in itslef.. but i do know i would have fun going out
and
really badly want to kayak or rock climb or camp this weekend.
Ziggy is going to be gone.. my only solid connection to fun..
i need to think of alternatives..
one day at a time..
things iwll fall into place..

And as sad as it is
and as much as i hate to admit it

I HATE That i cant be anorexic anymore

i hate it
i hate it
i cant even be..
it used to be so easy
weight used to fly away
and now