home
I do like it here
I am able to think a little better
fee a little better
do a little more
feel more productive

Treadmill.. yoga.. walking in the sunshine.. going though old things.. nostalgia..

but the trap
the trap is the food
and no grapes ir hummus or easy on the mind eating...
delicious chocolate ice cream with chunks of fudge and dark chocolate.... cheese of all kinds.. pad thai leftovers... garlicky crunchy croutons..
and no one here to watch cuz my mom is out on the porch the whole time and my dads at work
so no ones there to see me.. I dont have to feel ashamed that I am eating..
WHEN I SHOULDN'T BE

I helped out at my dads dinner tonight.. down at the bunkhouse.. which consisted of small talk with 40-50 year olds while munching on SunChips..
..which I hadnt had in forever.. therefore kept going back for more,. discreetly.. all the time KNOWING their eyes were all on me.. watching me going back for more.. and more.. they werent HANDFULS though was how i comforted myself.. they were pinches of crumbs.. etc.

I hope He comes tomorrow.. or the next day..
I have been getting WAY to excited about the trip
Visiting AAA today got me super excited.. I now have a little spiral bound mini book that gives me turn by turn guidance.. little mini maps.. PLUS 2 huge maps... PLUS books on campsites in different areas of the USA (prices.. adrdesses... phone numbers.. hours.. amenities) . PlUS travel booklets of different areas of the USA....
And since have been looking up random roadside oddities to visit.. which i know he will not want to visit.. but some of them he WILL..

i just want to look ok in the mirror.. in clothes..
the scar from the liver transplant.. a blessing but yet a curse...

OH!
But
for the Outdoor School.. the interview... I passed to the 2nd stage.. one more interview next week.. and then something else or the other
$215 per week.. but dont have to pay for housing.. food.. and dont have time to spend money much.. live on campus.. eat food from the cafeteria.. 2 days off a week... teach classes.. do all and everything and anything... 50 minutes from Austin.. 1.5 hours from San Antonio...
slightly excited.. but also slightly nervous.. what would He do? Do I want to lose him? Will i still be with him when I get the job? I dont see myself NOT being with him.. but you never know...
SOOOOOO MANY THINGS UP IN THE AIR

HE NEEDS TO COME! SO WE CAN GO! GET AWAY FROM ALL OF THIS!
yet.. it will also be a big test of our relationship.. hours hours hours in the car.. camping.. roughing it.. etc.
CAN WE MAKE IT??