such wide mood swings... woke up defeated... got out for a walk.. music brought me up.. made me smile as i slipped, slid and trudgd through the snowy ice.. played with charlie, painted and chatted at work.. came home.. did well at first.. but the nothingness got to me.. got excited-called JP only to have him pretty mch ignore every time i mentioned how i was thinking of him-what i would do to him when were together again... he talked about there-worj, weather, how he had no food.. shut out, let down i got off the phone in tears. went for the voldka and cranked up the solemn music.. and here i am in bed at 8:45 at night..
obviously hes preoccupied... obviously i have no life.. but its hard not to think about how hes content wthout me as he ignores my offer to buy him a ticket to come see m,e and instead he goes on to tell me how he can get 700 for team driving the kayaks up to WA.. and how it would work out if i came the last couple days he was there so i could drive his car back..