im ready to stop this
whatever this is
you decide
but i want it done and gone and fixed so i dont think this way anymore
why cant i get over it?
its been 8 years
serisouly
LET ME LIVE MY LIFE WTHOUT HAVING TO COUNT EVERY CALORIE AND IF I DONT GIVE MYSELF SHIT AFTER??
:(
i fall through snow and moose dont

Grand Falls Adventure

I got to track moose today
in the snow
and i kept falling in



it was as deep as my thigh..
but i tracked them anyway
until they disappeared..
and found other tracks.. and then more.. and kept falling down...



how do moose stay up on top of the snow when its so deep?
yes i was able to stay up most of the time..
but i still fell through
got all scraped up on the legs..
ha


and i played
in the snow



and saw the beautifl sunset



but now that the sun is going down
the noises start to creek..
:/
i need him here..
but i can brave ths on my own...
use my brother as an offering to quell the ghosts' hunger...

Day 3 (St John's to Grand Falls)

Soooo….
Here we are.. driving around the outer coast of Newfoundland.. passing cities like
Dildo
Come By Chance
St Johns Within
And more…
Snow covered trees line the highway..some barren areas with little bushes covered in snow.. if I look hard enough I can see moose tracks.. or atleast I pretend I can see them.
Watching Tim and Eric Awesome show with my brother I the backsseaat
Me laughing at every little thing
While my brother just smiles..



Yesterday… Day 3…
We walked around St Johns..this time the sidewalks are not covered in soft snow,, instead it is covered in shiny, icy crunchy layers…
Nothings open
It’s a Sunday
But that doesn’t stop us wandering around from 10 am until 3 pm.
Walking up and down streets that are lined with multicolored buildings that all look the same.
There was one lady who was shoveling her car out of the parking place in front of her house.. shoveling the snow onto her neighbors car…



We went to indian food for the night.. where my brother insisted on getting 2 vegetarina dishes. I wasn’t even hungry.. I didn’t want to be is more like it..
I had some rice cakes nad sugar free cocoa earlier to take the edge off the hunger sine I hadnt eaten anything but a banana all day.

My little brother had also spent the night at a friends house.. my parents had to pick him up at 5..
We had told him a few times that we were going to dinner at 6 and then to meet up with one of Kyles friends at 7 and then taking him to see some live accordian music after..
Once we got settled in at O’Reillys at around 8 to watch the show, he informed us that we had to take him to the movies with his friends.. and we had to take him.






My dad (and mom) had just settled down with a giiant beer each… which he had to gulp down.. jog back in the snowy siedealks to the htoel and drive up the street that didn’t allow cars..
We also learned that he had to be picked up
At midnight
And my dad even took him to Tim Hortons for a muffin on the way home
Because my dad will do anything for his kids…

The McDonalds have little red canadian flags in the middle of the golden arches.
Everything is in French and in Enlgish.. the food.. the signs…
It is also in Celcisu and Kilometers and centimenters (of coruse)
Everyone looks the same.. like my dads old mill workers that used to come to the parties
“THERES GEIORGE LEMOINE!!... except a little fatter and older looking.. but same beard.. same little beady eyes and heearty laugh..”
inbreeding?
probably…

AND the things that tend to dominate the news around here..
Snowmobilers falling through ice.. running into moose or trees
How to seal windows and doors from the cold
Mill people dying in a city 500 kim away