I realized
part of my problem is that i have TOO MUCH TIME
NOThING to occupy my mind with
except little games
calories.
if i squirt some of the strawberry jam stuff into my hand and eat it.. it doesnt count
right?
except
its more than a tbsp..
which is 50 calories
a handful of Ohs cereal doesnt count if i just reach in the box.. no bowl..
but it does
110 per cup
and a handful is about half a cup
hover in the kitchen
talk myslef out of eating
nibbling
which doesnt count
but it does
it adds up

and hes still not proving himself
though i havent asked
is it selfish?
to ask him to DO something?
to ask him to go kayaking?
to ask him to eat some queso dip with me?
to ask him to help plan the trip.. where to go.. where to stay..
to ask him what hes going to do for moneY?
Hes going to get some from his dad
so he says
"Its all taken care of"
he says when i ask him
when i come home from work each time putting my change into the cotton candy bucket
folding the bills neatly, setting them aside so i can put it in the bank

i just need a therapist
i need to get lost in the woods
i need to explore
i want to go back to tuscaloosa
i dont like these extreme emotions
overwhelming