Jusby and I.. :) LOVE the nosE!


ACTION SHOT... He climbed up the last time.. withOUT a rope..










And this is the one
the one that popped my happiness.. i dont look

I knew it wouldn't last.
The happy..
but its not even anything OUTSIDE of me that happened
well.
it was a picture
that brought me down.. that burst my bubble.
But its soo weird..
My clothes either fit now or are too big. I am constantly pulling up my pants or whatnot
but
i am stilll NOT what i look like
the scar is still showing.. as always.. creating that pouf..
never will i be anywhere near anyone else...

but

on the other hand
the past 2 days have been quite amazing.
Wednesday, Jusby got ahold of me!
I thought they were leaving. so i pulled a double-shifter. and they came to visit me
and so did JP and JAmes
and then a small fiasco occurred.. which was redeemable in a way.
acceptable.. or at least expected.
but then i got to go for a ride with Jusby and his family for awhile around the island.
It was good.
It was pure
i was happy... though there was a small nagging in my mind.. of wanting to be back safe in my bed
but i fought it and focused on our watching.. observing.. talking..
they are such beautiful people. :)
I wish i would have visted them in December when i thought i would.
I want a family someday

And that night JP held me all night long.. every time i woke, we were intwined.
it was beautiful

Yesterday I went ROCK CLIMBiNG!!
I was nervous
it was COLD
and i knew there would be 3 of us
meaning third wheel
which is usually me when it comes to fun things
(or James when it comes to hugging/etc)
but we went thought with it
Took a bit of a hit before we left the house which left me flying high all day long.
AND DID'NT YA KNOW IT!?! JUSBY WAS IN LINE RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!
so i got to spend the ferry ride engrossed in good clean fun
Thomas Cards and Leapin Lizards and War

I LOVED climbing
so much
and i fet that nagging come in whenever they were both sitting
"IF YOUR JUST GOING TO SIT THER, ROPE ME IN AND LET ME PLAY!"
i wanted to say
i got to go up twice :)
I scaled that thing
i WANTED it
i was scared a few times,
but then i kept saying to myself "I WANT THIS. I WANT THIS:"
and i sucked it up and prayed my foot/hands wouldn't slip
i felt alive
out there.. in the fresh air. moving.. putting in effort.. the view was breathtaking
pictures could not even BEGIN to catch its beauty
and then we went to the bars and i only had one drink so i could drive us home (but i was still flying a bit.. so it made for an interesting ride home-ESPECIALLY since the Garmin GPS took me a different way than the way we came which included back roads and windy turns..)
even though i aws slightly pissed that i always have to be the DD.. and i dnt like driving in the first place. especially at night (since the car accident a couple years ago headlights coming at me stilll have an affect on me) and after a glass of wine... and fling..