worst feeling..

One of the worst feelings ever
is when you are out
around a table
with your "friends"
and you talk
talk
talk
and no one hears
no one acknowledges
and it only goes downhill
in my head
from there...

In case you are wondering who i am...

While drifting off, listening to staff training.. i thought about who i REALLY am..
Heres a small introduction
to who i am

enjoy!

I hate pants and tshirts but I love flowy dresses and skirts
I love big warm sweatshirts that aren’t mine
I like the smell and closeness of those I love
I like to wrap myself up in my comforter and hide from the world
I like to put life on screen saver
I walk up to random people on the street that intrigue me and befreind them
I like to practice restraints
I eat my cocoa and my coffee with a spoon
I love it when people hug me from behind.. wrap me up in their arms
I drizzle honey or parmesean cheese on my popcorn
I have troouble sharing my grapes
I have a teddy bear strapped in his seatbelt in the backseat of my car
I go to the ABC store or the wine aisle and run my hands down the bottles, feeling their smooth coolness
I have trouble buying myself food at restraunts but have no problem finishing off other peoplse meals
I text message people song lyrics and pick up lines to make them smile
I carry honey, bubbles, glitter, tootsie pops, parmesean cheese and mini animals in my purse
I love to be woken up by a kitty pawing my nose
I don’t drink beer, but I love my wine
If I find a frineds favorite food/snack/drink on sale, I buy it for them and deliver it with a smile
I need to feel wanted and loved, but don’t know how to get it
I don’t know how to ask for help when I need it
I am not good at inviting myself out with people
I start off following recipes, but end up throwing in my own bit of special ingredients
I put food coloring in my roomates milk
I cut out pictures and words from magazines and have a stockpile waiting for me to glue down on a collage
I will drink wine from any container that is available
I spend way too much time exploring and wandering around grocery stores
I go back for seconds when there are free samples I like
I like paint on my body
I like to take pictures from different perspectives-laying on the ground.. up in a tree.. from behind a fence
I have trouble inviting myslef out with friends when they go out and I know I need that companionship
I day dream too much with fantasies of things that will never happen
I set way too high of expectations and get bummed out when I don’t reach them
I prefer the moon to the sun
I get really ansy when I have free time and EVEN THOUGH I know I have things to do, I can’t motivate myself to do anyhting
I have dumpster dived before and found some amazing treasures
I get charged up and excited anytime I put on my gogo boots
I get a thrill when my food or drink is blue
I can’t stand watching people in pain-emotional or physical and will do anything in my power to put a smile on their face
I do goofy dances because it’s more fun to be free and fun than to worry about what others think
I am more usedt o being laughed at than laughing with others
I feel more of a “them” than part of an “us”
I push myself away from pleaces and people I love because things get too stable and constistant
I bring my own honey to restraunts when I don’t think they will offer it
I make plans and dream about trips I will never take
I wait too long for things that will never happen… for people that will never come
I get nercous and scared when I get too close to someone-emotionally or physically
I get so bored being in the shower I end up cutitng up my legs while I shave because all I am thinking about is getting out
I listen to my music so loud that it drowns out the rest of the world
I listen to anything from Kenny Chesney to Eminem to Nelly to STS9 to the Beatles to Jack Johnson to David Bowie to Modest Mouse
I dream of one day being serenaded.
I love listening to and being swept away when people play acoutsic guitar
I ride around with the sun roof down, windows down, music loud, sunglasses on, music cranked and singing along
I pee underneath peoples windows if its dark enough
I have trouble sitting through a movie unless someone is holding me close
I like my chocoalte chips frozen
I carry faceted prisms with me and use them as kaleidoscope.. watching as the world is splintered and spun in front of my eyes
I make some mean caramal corn, chocoalte covered bananas, random soups, brownies, double layer cakes… but I cannot make them without licking the bowl at the end
REISLING WINE! HOOKAH! BOUNCY BALLS! SPRINKLERS! FLASHING COLORS! SPLATTERED PAINT!