good good good

the movie helped..

The Hangover..
i laughed sooo loud
soo much

and i feel clearer
still
and that was yesterday
i feel more at peace
even tho he was gone all day packing for his multi day training... off to kayak for 3 days.. packing all day.. and then more whale training at night (a seminar)..
so i walked
walked
walked and read
read
about Janis Joplin
about Body Language
((had a quite a BUMP in the day when i got home tonight at 6 tho.. and i hate how that toilet can't flush..))
and closed the day video chatting to my bestest friend, Emily.. flooded with peace once again.. nostalgia, yes,.. wishing i could be there,yes.. but seeing and talking to her helped too
and then
watching "If We Hold On Together" from my favorite old move.. Land Before Time.. over and over
remembering life back when i first saw that movie.,. how young.. naive.. innocent.. how pure the laughter was.. how the worst thing that could happen was I scraped my knee.. or struck out in softball/tee ball or missed kicking the ball away from the opponent in Soccer..
now its food, life, future, jobs, etc.
but
like i said
i am at peace
and about to embark on a week of STUFF
Mon: work 6:30-3.. ferry: 4-5:30... bus: 6:55-9:45
then picked up by my 2nd family that lives in Normandy Park (my dads friends from college who we pretty much did most all fun things together)
Tue: training 7:30-4
Wed: training 7:30-4
Thurs: training 7:30-4.. bus: 5-7:45.. ferry 8:25-10:35
Fri: work 5:30-2
Sat: work 5:30-2
Sun and Mon 7-5

..so.. atleast i wont be sitting around ALL day...

im trying NOT to be in the mindset where i have to EARN every bite of food.. i DO feel better eating if i have DONe something.. walked.. etc. the more i walked that day, the more at ease i am when it comes to eating.. and afterwards.. and feelings of worth..
ANYWAY
I AM OK
I AM FEELING AT PEACE
things are looking hopeful.. its close..