..Staff partAyyyyyyyyy!

Last night..
Ohhhhhhh wow
The first time ever that i had to be assisted to my bed...
I was sad and lonely so i got a head start on some wine.. then went down to the staff dinner banguet where some "juice" was made..
In little or no time i was pretty much gone..
Racing back and forth between the Pond (to catch newts and fish) and then to the fire (the flames were intoxicating) I began to beat the fire with random sticks to release the fire fairies..
I refused to take off my sunglasses so i kept running up to poeple asking who they were and where my cup went to...
Emily had to put me in time out at least 5 times.. and restrained me a couple times too!
I loved that feeling of grand silliness...
I also broke out my hookah at some point and that pretty much capped off my night.. it put me in a state where i was only barely in reality.. peaceful fuzziness..

And 2 nights ago.. we went to Patrons.. the Mexican restraunt.. I had a few margaritas.. made new friends at the bar until Quinn came over to let me know that we were leaving..
When we got back to camp- i heard the music so i danced.. which comes naturally to someone wearing GoGo boots who has had a bit to drink..
I was up there for a good hour or so.. and then ran around practicing my therapeutic restraints which always ended up in me being held down on the floor..
Lots of goood times at camp tally...
More stories to come..
For now.. i leave you with these pictures
(yes.. we took the short bus to a Mexican restaurant)

"Why food is good for you" poem.. .and quotes...

Oh...

During one of our treatment center nutrition "classes" we had to do a little write up on food and why there are NO "good" or "Bad" foods.... soooooooooo i wrote a poem!!


--==--==--==--==--==--==--==

Don't think of food as good or bad
Think of only what makes you Glad

Everything can be proven healthy
When it comes to reasons, I've got plenty

Pizza has carbs to help you move
And protein so you can get out and groove

Coleslaw has carrots for your eyes
So they will not tell you lies

Endorphins fly when you eat
Chocolate as a nummy treat

Although in Oreos, fat can be found
It keeps your brain from bouncing around

Ice cream has calcium for your bones
So dig into those yummy cones

Low fat ice creams light and airy
Ben & Jerry's sure is scary

But boy does it taste nummy
And you'll need less to fill your tummy

In moderation everything is good
So stop focusing on the should


WONDERFUL QUOTES that got me by...

*Let your imagination soar-For it is your souls blueprint for success
**One can never change the past-only the hold it has on you
*Ships in Harbor are safe-but thats not what ships are built for *John Shedd
**The best way out is through *Helen Keller
*I never failed! I discovered 200 ways NOT to do something
**The ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by experts-Don't wait for experts
*Never let the fear of striking out get in your way *Babe Ruth
**Success isn't measured by the position you reach in life, but by the obstacles you overcome
*Each friend represents a world in us-A world possibly not born until they arrive ant it is only by meeting that a new world is born
**Getting angry can sometimes be like leaping into a wonderfully responsive sports car, gunning the motor, taking off at high speed only to realize that the brakes are out of order...
*Problems are only opportunities in work clothes



-->Stress<--
That confusion created when the mind must override the body's basic desire to choke the living crap out of some idiot who desperately needs it

Lost and Found Poems from

So...
I was unloading my room because my parents moved to Augusta and i came across some old poems...
Here you go..

--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--
*(Random Ramblings)*

Sugar Coated Dreams
Floating away upon a cloud
i reach to catch one
as it slips through my fingers
there is so much i want to do
I have so little time
How can i get it all done
And still enjoy the ride?
Take time off and just breath a simple breath
Let the peace settle deep within
These days it is so hard to do
My mind is going crazy
Its a busy world out there
Yet its not simpler in my head
So many dreams are left untouched
So many opportunities lost
Sacrificing your wants for others
You deserve to savor every minute
Cause in the end, all thats left is you
So when opportunity comes knocking
greet them with a simple smile and invite them in
Ask them to please stay awhile
and let your life begin

--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--
*(No idea where i got this one in my head... i had never ever had a boyfriend until this year actually.. so this is based on songs and dreams and hopes)**

When you're with me I get a rush
You're so sweet it makes me blush
You're so perfect its hard to see
What is it thats special about me
I've never felt this way before
And i seem to feel more and more
Back before it was you and I
I'd given up hope to even try
You inspired me, helped me see
How wonderful this world can be
Sometimes i get an awful scare
What would happen if you weren't there
I wish i could get on a cloud and fly
Above the stars and in the sky
When your arm is around my hips
I yearn to taste you on my lips
You are always in my heart
Even when we are apart
I don't know if we'll last forever
So lets savor our time together

==--==--==--==--==--==--==--==
**(Treatment Center Poem.. there is a lot of time to think when you are locked inside 24/7 with therapists dissecting your mind at every angle..)**

Someday I truly hope i will
Just be able to sit still
In the shade, under a tree
And get in touch with the inner me
I will go way deep inside
And explore the things i tend to hide
The things I don't like to show
And let them shine and glow
All the secrets that i keep
All the lies i never peep
Just like that perfect peach
Perfection is just so hard to reach
Expectations are set so high
Making me want to sit and cry
"You're not good enough"
Others say with a huff
The reflection in the mirror makes me cringe
So i starve myself until i binge
It's so hard to look past the outside skin
And focus on the good within
Take a breath-just slow down
And remember its okay to frown
Savor every moment-but don't hold tight
Do not worry-You'll be alright
It's amazing how time flies by
But one thing that is no lie
Life goes on despite the shit
But don't you worry-Don't you quit
Just believe in all you do
And hopefully that can get you through
I wish to truly believe in me
And that im as perfect as can be

--==--==--==--==--==--==--==
**(Treatment Center Poem... though the first little blip is how ive been feeling lately too)**

Mirror Mirror On the Wall
Why don't you just crash and fall
I do not like what you show
Why do you distort me so?

I am entranced by the girls on tv
And i dream, ""How i wish that were me"
Walking among the camera flashes
They flutter their long lush lashes
....(unfinished)---


--==--==--==--==--==--==--==
**(AnotherTreatment center poem...)**

The days seem so long
I don't know what to do
Everything feels so wrong
I don't like feeling blue

The voices in my head keep yelling
They cant seem to agree
The tears in my eyes keep welling
Is this how its always going to be?

I feel so empty, I feel so hollow
I see this food in front of me
but it all seems too much to swallow

"It's not about the food" they say
Do they even know how it is
To get through each and every day
I try so hard not to let it show

I hate being left out
Of all the fun they share
It seems to be-Without a doubt
That they do not even care

Its strange how the people
That you hold most dear
Are the ones that
Can entice the most fear

They may not even know
How harsh their words can be
I take them with a blow
I take them personally

Their words never leave my mind
They are there constantly
It makes it so hard to find
And become the real me

Strange how a simple smile
Can brighten someones day
It makes me happy for awhile
As i go along my way

I look down in front of me
And see my pudgy tummy
It is all that i can see
Which makes me feel crummy

I know i should be at peace
with my body and my spirit
It seems like such a sweet release
So why do i fear it?

I love me and the person that i am
I want to be accepted
But every time i feel like me
I get to scared that "me" will be rejected


--==--==--==--==--==--==--==--

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!~!
**(awww.... i believe this was when i was leaving to go to college.. or something like that...)**

I have a very special Dad
Whose name is Walter Jay
I have to say something to this lad
HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!

My dad has taken me many places
We go on so many trips
We see so many faces
And twice as many lips

Indian Princesses was our thing
Fathers and daughters all the way
We would love to go out camping
No matter the weather on that day

My daddy loves me very much
I know that this is true
He has a very gentle touch
And hugs me when im blue

I remember walking on the beach
picking out agates and rocks
And helping me get things I couldn't reach
And the fun we had on dog walks

In the garage we made root beer
and created things with wood
The rock tumbler we could hear
As we chopped and stacked fire wood

You were the one who got us to hike
And although I complained at first
As we tromped along-I began to like
this hiking as it quenched a certain thirst

Now the time has come for me to go
To spread my wings and fly so free
The time has come for me to glow
And be all that i can be

I still love you a whole darn lot
You don't need to worry
Your the only daddy that i got
Even if your visions blurry

Even if i don't call you everyday
That doesn't change a thing
I still love you in my special way
You will always be my king