come January ill be gone..

so

i now have someone to take over my place in early January.

I just need to figure out where im going.. what im doing.. where im staying

It was his last night last night.
I was soo excited getting back from work.,, one last night... but he was drunk.. fell asleep.. I went back to my place made caramel corn and went back to check on him.. he was awake.. saying how some people were going to come over but he didnt want them to and he didnt want to go with them... I stayed with him for a bit.. telling him about things.. eventually saying that i was REALLY going to miss him.. that a whole month without him was NOT going to be fun or easy.. I hate it enough when he is at work for 4 days straight...
After about 10 minutes he hugged me and then said- "Im going to go lay down now Penny.."
My cue to leave
.....
all i wanted was one last night.. NOT necessarily bedtime fun.. but sleep.. with him..

but no

I went home drank half the thing.... cried myself to sleep on the floor of my living room..

and even today im sad.. empty.. p[issed off.. hate myself/..
thats the thing.. I cant hate him.. I only hate myself..

and im going to be gone in January.. . when he comes back.. I already have someone to take over my place...
The world is at my fingertips..