and the summer is done
we drove for 3 days... 2,900 miles.. and are now in Boone, NC so he could get his "gold at the end of the rainbow"
and visit his friend
The trip was horrible.. most of the time.. very irritable, frustrated with everything i did when i drove... and when i wasn't i said everything wrong or something i dont know... but he SNAPPED so much
and then swore in aggravation when i cried as a result of his outbursts.
i cant hlp but cry when i know i disappointed someone.. or messed up.. or caused him such strife that he had to react in such a way..
and the way he looked at me sometimes as though i were the scummiest thing on earth.. that he was sooo sick of me he couldn't stand to look at me..
771 miles the first day. plus a 2 hour ferry ride and an hour wait beforehand.. THE night after i had too much fun with my friuneds from the summer which i will never see again
1000 the second day
1100 the third day
and we are in Boone
and he got his gold
but i give him props
he is delicious to me.. beautiful.. SOO much better htan the car ride
it was because he was on a mission
he had something he needed to get
and got irritated when things slowed him down...
but now that we are here
and he got his fun
now i am his fun

but we are still taking a break
figuring out what to do next
he claims he is still going to come back to me
but this trip wore me down.. made me think otherwise.. the way he talked.. the tone.. the aggravation,.. the looks he gave me. the way he sighed and shook his head in disbelief...disgust
all like my brother
who, by the way, would be celebrating his 26th birthday today

tomorrow i go home
visit with my parents
and then head down to Emily
myBEST friend
who i NEED more than ever
and need to laugh
(i also need my N64, my movies, my oil incense burner, and someone to hookah with)

as far as a job?
my parents want em to sta y wtihthem and take a course which our neighbor teaches to get me a teaching degree
I want to stay wtih emily.. i want to teach English in Thailand or Indonesia,, I want to go hiking until i am okay with myself again.. i want to be with JP... i want to break free,., i want to explore,, i want to work with animals. i want to work with kids,,, '

which one?
who knows