things are slowing down...
\last day of work tomorrow...
and then i get a "party" from my lady cook who inspired me to get my Purple PEnny Pleaser..
2 bartenders... my other cook, Abe who helps me also pick out fruit at the grocery store he works at...
plus.. who knows?
let loose a little :)

then.. Friday we leave.. ?
he is supposed to work this weekend.. but he doesnt want to.. I dont want to stay another weekend.. so he is thinking of making some excuse as to why he cannot stay..

and then we go home.
Him to his house.. to face his parents "What are you going to do nexT?" etc etc and figure out what he wants to do next
I go to my house... to decide my next route..
follow him?
does he want me to follow him?
remove myself from everything and everyone nad teach in Thailand?
work at a zoo... see if he will follow...

i applied to soo many places...
I am scared
SUCH big decisions ahead..

yes he SAID he would marry me in 5 years...
but what will we DO to SUPPORT ourselveS?
he is not one to settle down and get a job.. stay in a place for a bit
he is a hopper.. hopping to where the seasonal jobs are.. then back to his parents..
in Dixie..

Yes, I will be quite heart broken... life shattered... if we do end up parting ways
for some reason
or even LIVE far away from each other
because I am big on NEARNESS.. TOUCHING.. HOLDING
because of the past.. the whole Object Permanence thing.. where if someone is not with me, how can they think of me.. remember me.. still like me.. miss me?

The people here at work are begging me to stay...
I have freinds in Tuscaloosa waiting for me to come visit..
my best freind in Alabama is jonesin for me to come stay