still no word
i keep making excuses for her
for why she didnt calll... "maybe today is her day off" ... "maybe she's waiting for the criminal background check to come in"..
etc.
but she said that the lady who used to have that position left LAST FRIDAY and she had been covering for her this past week and needed someone ASAP.
so
knowing that i am across the country.. and it would take me atleast 2 days to get to work (one to prepare/pack/go to where i am flying out) and one to fly
she would have called me asap
but she hasn't

and i need that job
or atleast need to know
He's talking about leaving soon.. and doesn't understand that if i do get hte job i will need to be there within a matter of days.
I wouldnt be able to drive
and i cant take him to my parents in the state that hes been in
my parents already suspect

but i did get to go to work last night
made a good soloid $50 after i handed over my $90 paycheck to Him before I left.
its frustrating when everything I make goes to him
for things I wouldn't ever do
though lately have been tempted.. just to feel comfortably numb
but he still wont let me
and i know he does love me
and sometimes in the morning or late at night he mumbles a song to me.. a sort of sleepy serenade..
and everytime i come home he holds me.. not just a hug.. but more than that

anyway
he knows this.. but if things dont get better.. if i dont see that he is trying.. i am going home. to mom and dad.
and when i told him that we needed to stop by my parents for a couple nights before we DID head out
"What are we going to do all day?" "Why 2 nights?"
Because
1. I miss my parents
2. I wont see them again for at least the summer if not more
3. We have been hanging out at his parents house for the past many months with no plans... nothing to do...
4. etc
I want my daddy
and he immediately went back on his word "Im sorry.. we can spend 4 nights there" but i know it was just to pacify me.. to stop the tears.

and everyday i do wake up with a hole.. a dread.. knowing that there are no plans.. that i have to find things to do.. to entertain myself.. or him..