blah.
i am tired of chasing after people
of fighting for things
of people taking advantage.
of me not being able to say no
because im scared that if i say no
they will not want me
they will be mad.. upset..
bad things can happen when one says no

anyway
i went back to my work and picked up my last paycheck.

and i went on a walk with Him
and it was fine
he was still out
and we had a slight silly thing going on
where i said that since it was so hot we should go back and drive down to Calabash to get snowballs
he said, "we should walk!"
its a long way
i was skeptical
and i admitted that.
he taunted me that i couldn't do it
i felt icky.. and so i told him that i was going to go
so i started off
he shouted once
and then turned back to go home
and i continued walking hoping that he would come after me
apologize
i dont know
not that he did anything wrong
but he never
and i gave up
and started after him.. tearing up.. and soon full out crying..
he never turned around
never came back
so i ahd to sit by the pond to let it out before i went back
thinking
too much thinking
i sooo almost drove home today
instead i drove to get my check...