Still not happy
nope
still not better
nope

but i think i found a solution
its petty
its stupid
and i have no real way of getting it
but i want it

BESIDES THAT
i got to hookah today.. and wander antique shops.. and research my solution
it was nice to have someone here with me
His cousin came by for the day
waiting for His sister to come pick him up to take him to Wilmington

is it so hard to find someone who has values?
who thinks its weird that when i was picked up at the airport He was messed and asking me to drive and then making me drive him all these places for him to get stuff?
are there people there whose life extends BEYOND that.. and depending on that..

and i feel as though i cannot connect with people anymore
and that scares me
i try to talk to people
i try to be with them.. be okay.. want to let loose and have fun
but all i really want to do is go home
be alone
read
be okay with myself
and im NOT okay with myself
and i hate that feeling

i was hoping this job would be my escape route
my test to see if he could handle being without me or shaping up...
and now i dont have it