sad

i leave tomorrow to go home
to see my parents for a few days
hes coming by either Wednesday night or thursday and we are on our way
somehow i dont have faith he will come wednesday night

My last day here and he slept
or piddled around across the street "working" which requires lots of "breaks" for "relaxation" in a certain form

but i stil feel lazy
and nothings working
and i took a long walk today.. stopped in the middle for some yoga.. with STS9 blasting in my ears
which made me sick with nostalgia and the yearning for a nice trip
trip and dance it all away
gone gone gone

still no real hope in terms of jobs out there.. except there is one CrabShack hiring.. but who knows if they still will be by hte time we make it out there... .and the ice cream place told me to stop by so they could "check me out" or something like that.. as if i am not good enough for them i guess..

but anyway
im glad to see my parents
but have no idea what to tell them when they ask me why my moneys all gone
i cant tell them the REAL reason..
that i lent it hundred by hundred to him so he could feel good meanwhile i died a little inside each time

i need friends
that dont rely on pills
that can have REAL .. pure.. fun..

With eating disorders.. you do not need tips on how to not eat. You do not need to be told how to stop eating. You do no need to be motivated. You look in the mirror. Problem solved.