HA! the booger took a picture of me kayaking..
BLAH
is today
s BLAH
all day
all day


ive been holed up in my room with my new $130 hookah.. listening to music.. remembering. reminiscing of better days... good times.. missing the full fledged happiness.. not just the fleeting feelings
and friends
and i feel as though i have let down a lot of people in my life
and i hate disappointing poeple
and i feel that i think too much
and i hate the feeling of hunger
and i hate the feeling of fullness
because when i am hungry that means i am going to have to eat before too long or i will get ravenous
but at the same time i love it. i feel so light and free. that rumbling is like a motor that keeps me going
and i feel as though i am losing touch with people

and he is so good. so so so good.
i am in love with him and its wonderful.
but that doesnt stop me from getting bored.. sad.. frusted.. from crying.. from thinking too much.. from wanting to eat everything in the kitchen.. from wanting to NEVER eat again.. from denying.. from the bad ED screaming and clawing in my head..
but he can make me feel so goodddd.. not just (naughty) good.. but emotionally and EVERYTHING..
and hes REAL GOOD.. multiple times in the day/night..

but i did play guitar again today
and i can play Jingle Bells, Ode to Joy, When the Saints go MArching in, and Skip to my Lou
HA!
someday i will play REAL songs...
i hope..

OH! and i got a job scooping ice cream up in Friday Harbor for the summer :) unless some preschool emails me back...
YAY FOR WASHINGTON!! San Juan Islands.. mmmmm
cant wait