itsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokay

itsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokay
it really is
right?

i think i am just scared of not being needed.. not making an impact.. just passing though life.
i left him today
well
sort of
i went home
cuz he said he needed some time to think
so i left
and cried the whole way home
i cant help him as hard as i try as many things as i buy for him or for us nothing really helps in the long run

we stayed up last night talking.. well i think i did most of the talking..

i love when he wakes me up in the middle of the night... :)

i made cheese bread today... just as he told me the news.. i ended up throwing it away.. and tossing out the sweet tea i made for him last week which he never touched.. i worked hard on that too.. made 2 batches because the first one tasted not so good and i wanted it to be good for him

i hate that i am waiting for him to make a decision with his life before i decide what im going to do
but theres nothing more id rather do
see if he still needs me... see if he wants me to move with him.. if i should move on..
i gave up a lot for him
New Orleans Mardi Gras.. staying and keeping my parents company.. leaving Emily (altho that was mostly because my parents needed me but he sidetracked me).. the tattoos.. numerous potential jobs..
but at the same time
its worth it
because i do love him
and it scares me that i like him this much

and so i fade away into my eating disorder and crumble when I give in to food.. adding even more to the emotional mess i am in..
but
when he holds me or smiles or anything.. then everythings beautiful again

im lost
and
i never knew i could cry this much
my face hurts
my eyes are so dry, but the tears keep coming...
weird..