If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?
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What’s the most sensible thing you’ve ever heard someone say?
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What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?
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What is the difference between living and existing?
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What lifts your spirits when life gets you down?
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Why do we think of others the most when they’re gone?
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What is the difference between innocence and ignorance?
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If you looked into the heart of your enemy, what do you think you would find that is different from what is in your own heart?
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If you could choose one book as a mandatory read for all high school students, which book would you choose?
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When do you feel most like yourself?
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When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?”
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What would your ‘priceless’ Mastercard-style commercial be?
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If you could take a single photograph of your life, what would it look like?
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Do you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know?
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Which activities make you lose track of time?
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What three questions do you wish you knew the answers to?
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When you meet someone for the very first time what do you want them to think about you?
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What simple gesture have you recently witnessed that renewed your hope in humanity?
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How would an extra $1000 a month change your life?
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These all come from my new favorite website... FULL of inspiration.. thought provoking little quidbits...

I am addicted to food.
I love hate it
yet.. everytime I look around me I see everything I am not.

I didnt used to be this way.
I used to be positive. I used to be excited about life.
I still am at times...

There were fireflies out the past couple nights... I used to LOVE them. how they twinkled and danced and frolicked and teased...
They didn't phase me.

I still go to the elementary school 2 days a week, I still teach some lessons. I still get very positive feedback on how I interact with the kids and can relate to them and encourage them.
Yet, all that rings out for me is when they say "You need to work on classroom management" (I KNOW this. I KNEW this. I am working on it. I am not as soft/passive as I used to be. I step in when I need to. I don;t allow certain kids certain privileges if they don't show me in their actions that they earn it.. etc.)
Or
they say "Look more professional" or "Don't wear that again." (I was wearing a dress that went down to my knees... with leggings underneath just to be safe.. they said "NO LEGGGINGS EVER AGAIN"

I still take the little girl neighbor to and from school monday wednesday and friday. She still comes bursting out the doors when I come to pick her up and runs into my arms.

Yet.
All i can focus on is what I lack, What I am not.
I can't take this... i clean clean clean with my mom during the day.. but the crying comes more and more often for such little things.

I am not a bad person. I dont want to bring others down. I dont want to be this way. I dont want to be so negative.
But I dont know how to change...
It is so overwhelming.. life.. food.. me..

My personalDNA Report
My personalDNA Report

I do wish something would happen to me
anything
I want a bad thing to happen
so I can have a legitimate reason to be so sad

I want to go away
far away
start over
be someone

I want to teach
I want people to believe in me.. give me a chance..
I want to make a difference

I want to like myself
I want to find my happy
I want to find my smile

I am tired of getting my hopes up with all these job interviews only to get my heart and hopes broken when the call never comes.. or does come int he form of a rejection

I want to ask for help... but who do i ask? What do i need? How CAN they help? What IS wrong?

I want to teach in China.. or Thailand.. or Africa.. or New Orleans Zoo..

I want JP to come to me..
I want our lives to come together again
I want MY life together again

I want to eat and not feel like a fatass
I want to look in the mirror and not see excess.. plumpness.

I just want to be okay with life again.