Cali!
San Jose!
Thats where I am.
3 blocks from an In-And-Out burger.. supposedly the BEST BURGER EVER (by a vote of 2 or 3 people that I know quite well)
in a nice, beautiful house
living with a family.. relatives.. my dad's older brother, his Italian wife and their adopted Guatemalan 5 year old daughter.
They are a family of HIGH QUALITY
Shopping at Whole Foods, specialty stores for cheese, veggies, meat... and buy their wine from different wineries, including Peggy Flemming's winery (yes, she was an ice skater)
I get to wake up, get the little one breakfast and to school by 8:30. Then I pick her up from school at 2:40 and play play play until her mom gets home at 8 (though in that time frame I also have to get her a shower and dinner and snack..)
Not too bad.
Except it has NOT gone that way.
She got sick and so I have been home-bound since Tuesday.. and I am NOT good at being home-stuck.
And now I have come down with the sickness..

But she has been teaching me about all this new music.. how to "be cool"..
and so when she takes her shower, I play DJ and play Selena Gomez, hannah Montana, Justin Beiber and the like..
UNFORTUNATELY they are kinda catchy songs. so yes. I do sing along.

But my mind is still out of control in terms of body image/food issues..I am doing a LOT better when it comes to eating like crazy and now keep getting continualy frustrated by being stuck inside (nooo exercise, etc.) and everytime i look in the mirror my body grows or shrinks.. even when I look at myself, its different..
I did discover that the reason why my arms do look so "big" is because my arms have a lot of muscle! Go figure! I was flexing and moving my arm around and I felt it.. rock solid.. hmm..
I want to buy new clothes.. more variety, more funky, fun "Career" type clothes, but I just get so discouraged when I try clothes on,.. and when for some reason they DO look good.. I talk myself out of them or make up an excuse as to why it DOES look good for some reason...

I am still very excited to go back to school :) I want to be a teacher..
I am also very excited to go back home,, to JP.. I COULD book a ticket for the 4th.. before he is supposed to go down to Jacksonville to take his dad to some MAyo cLinic dow there.. which he may or may not back out of.. so JP does not want me to book a ticket for me to fly into Jacksonville... But I was thinking I was going to fly in the 11th, since it is the cheapest date to fly from here to there that I have found.. EVEN THOUGH it seems the majority of the nights i cry myself to sleep because despite the fact that I am with "family" (at both places) I still feel lonley and alienated from their family life.. which is to be expected, but it does not feel good in my heart./soul..