what a whirlwind
he still hasnt been able to sleep.. so i fitfuily pass in and out throughout the night in between tears of frustration as he rolls and sighs and moans and sits up and falls back down..
i realize i still do have this fear.. when he stops for no reason.. or does some strange face.. or stretches.. that hes going to have another seizure
We made it to Friday Harbor.. its absolutely BEAUTIFUL here!! We roamed around a bit last night.. downtown.. (didnt take too long) but he had a slice of pizza for $4.00 (old microwave-heated pizza) and talked to Dennice the Mennace behind the counter. He gave us a town map and marked apartments around the area on it (we drove and found one of the 4..) and when asked what people do for fun around here.. "drinkin and smokin" which got him super excited.. asking about where it was found and blah blah blah..
and then as we were walking back he claimed he wasn't going to do any (even though he wanted to drive that way anyway claiming he thought there would be apartments out that way..
The past 2 nights we've been weaving around eastern WA.. amongst miles and acres of crops and fields and orchards.. over the Rockies.. the Cascades.. Stopped in Boseman, MT for a night.. stopped by Missoula, MT to check out the SmokeJumpers Headquarters...
At my grandparents in Wenatchee we picked all of the apples off 5 of their 16 trees. It sounds not so hard, but it really was tedious.. they were small.. about the size of a cherry or smaller. .and the same size as the leaf... We had to go through branches and I climbed up the trees and my grandpa and Him used ladders. I ended up getting twisted around.. contorted.. so i could reach every possible clumplet of green apple buds.. we had to get them all because my grandpa wasn't going to spray them.. because it cost $500 and there was only 4 of the 16 trees that were blooming so he wouldn't make a profit out of the 4 trees so he just decided to pick them all off.. because if he would have left them and not sprayed them the inspectors would have come and chopped down all the trees at my grandpas expense because they didnt want contaminated/fruit fly infested apples roaming about out there.
The ferry ride was amazing.. He chose to stay in the car most all of the time.. but I wandered about down amongst the cars and up above by the seats and in the front and the back where the wind whipped about..
I still can't beleive i am here
sometimes I am fine with it.. excited even.. working.. waitressing.. being busy.. tourists...
and i get a weird sense of sadness knowing that he is going to be out there.. in the waters.. among the whales and all kinds of people.. paddling all day long.. and that seems like such an ideal job.. and I was the one that got it for him.. and i blindly followed him like an idiot out here to do menial work that doesn't apply to my degree doing work that high schoolers/college kids usually do when i am fully equipped and knowledged to do much more.. i have the skills.. but no one out here is hiring for those kind of positions
but at the same time.. not many people can say they lived on Friday HArbor in the San Juans for the summer..
and we keep staying in hotels.. and it only gets more and more expensive.. and i am the only one doing the work in terms of researching how to find hotels.. calling them.. finding out that they cost over $100 with the lowest being $119.. until i called this place that is $81. but you would barely call it even a room. the bed takes up most of hte floor space with a skinny walkway on the side to a bathroom and a closet with a sink in it.
if you have no money.. or very little money.. and still have no place to live.. SAVE MONEY.. CAMP.. yes its cold.. but get over it.. soon you will have a house
and i take it out on the ED still.. shifting between not eating.. not really being hungry at all- for real - and then munching on some peanut butter on a marshmallow.. which opens up the chasm of hunger and mindlessness..


and i want to call people.. but dont have the time.. or the energy to lie and say Im happy. because that feeling is rare nowadays..
but i am tentatively hopeful.. as usual.. and my birthdays coming up..
and we came on a weekend.. which is not smart if you are looking for a place or a job.. because no one wants to deal with that kind of thing on a saturday.. saturdays are play days...
anyway.
i need coffee... or an energy drink..
here we go..