amaazing..

I was wrirting an email to my old theapist... and i came to some conclusions.. just by typing... love how that happens..

""yes I am done with school. I ended in May with a Bachelor's in Early Childhood Education.. went on to work as the art teacher for hte 2nd time in a row at the summer camp for kids with ADD and Autism.. most wonderful summer!! And then stayed on to work at their boarding/wilderness school for kids with Asperger's, age 12-18.. which proved to be too rough on my soul and heart due to the crazy rumors that ran rampant around administration.. believing the kids over staff.. and I left in October to just work part time at the pottery studio... until January.. I thought I had a job in Seattle so before I left to go up there for Christmas break I told my boss to find someone to cover for me because i most likely had a job. And I got back in January with no job in seattle and no job in Asheville.
So im jobless.. apartmentless.. but bouncing around until now im just staying with my boyfriend and his family.. playing the waiting game.. restlessness.. frustrations.. making all the everything more intense..
the goods and the bads..
But Since Kyle died i did A LOT of living. my first REAL boyfreind.. who got too boring because he was too cool and laid back and when guys would flirt with me.. the 2nd on.. alcoholic that got me drinking and holed up in his/his friends apartment for a bit.. asking me about everything i did and getting really scary when he got super drunk.. then i left him and now i have another addicted bf..
BUT DESPITE all that i still was able to have lots of fun.. get my pictures in the paper for painting faces and blowing bubbles and being silly with the kids at EArthFest and a huge plaque for over 900 hours of volunteering at Children's Hands On Museum.. interned at the Birmingham Zoo leading kids on tours around the zoo and holding animals from cockroaches to chickens to ferrets to owls... went on a week and a half long trip to Ecuador by myself to help out a volunteer project-COMPLETE spur of the moment thing.. booked it a week before spring break.. and spent my spring break cleaning poo out of different animals cages and feeding them and then hauling sand bags and huge 10 meter long bamboo trees and fixing muddy steps and playing "football" in the rain with some Germans, English and Norwegian boys.. Hookah parties at my house where i would cook some fun dish.. we would hookah.. paint coffee table anything goes.. vibrant colorful swirls or detailed pictures.. and Nintendo 64 Mario Kart racing..
"Since Kyle died I have really lived. A blessing in disguise.. that whole cliche "life is short" or :you only live once" I took it to heart.. wentout a lot more.. invited people into my life.. and allowed people to get close to me.. and stepping out of my comfort zone a little at a time.. following through with random thoughts and dreams.. more spotenaity.. but its also caused the greatest heartache the saddest everything.. the heaviest tears.. but it was ALL REAL and NOT ABOUT FOOD.. it was LIFE that moved me and caused me to feel.. and not mask it with the ED thoughts.
it really is amazing.
and im going to get back to that once I find something to do to entertain myself.. or we move to his job and i find something-even if it is a nanny or volunteering..
anyway.
im sorry
ha
your not my therapist anymore. I dont mean to ramble on to you..
I attatched one of my favorite pictures of me :)
OH! and i have 8 tattoos
Who woulda thunk, hey?
Okay. No need to reply if you dont have time. Its okay. I just wanted to
give you an update on life.. and how my theme this last year was
"You have to get over your fear of falling before you can soar"
~Dana B. (PennY)""""""