Beach love:)

I love the beach
i pranced around in the waves again
it was sunny
it was beautiful
i pretended the world was watching
i let the music move me
i let the water move me
feeling the pull and push of the rushing waves at my feet
the rush of the sand and water as the waves crash around me
the sun beating down on my skin
huge earphone headphones.. tube top black dress.. huge white sunglasses.. im sure i looked a little wack
but
i loved it
i thrived
i thought
i dreamt
i lived

he was off doing taxes with his dad at WalMart..

some old man took pictures of me from the beach
i caught him out of the corner of my eye
and as i was walking back to the car
...creepy..

;last night was horrible
i needed him
and he passed out
and i left him there on the couch and went to bed alone
is that bad of me?
to leave him sleeping on the couch?
it would be different if he passed out of exhaustion from a long days work..
but no
he passed out due to what he did
thats why i left him there on the couch
i got up after 5 minutes.. wanting so badly to wake him up and bring him to bed with me
instead i moved the ashtray from in front of him and put a blanket over him
and went back to bed
hoping the rush of air as i gently tossed the blanket over him would wake him up
i believe he came in at 4 am
apologizing for falling asleep on me
he didnt understand that that is not what bothered me
it was the events that preceded it
the fact he did what he did
but
as i say
its his life
he can do what he wants
hes an adult
he can make his own decisions
and live with the repercussions


but i needed him last night
i wanted to give him another chance
for our last day/night together before i left for 12 or so days for Newfoundland.
I haven't had a cigarette in over a week.. and no cravings.. no need.. no want.. no void.. i dont need them.. i just did them because it was a way to bond.. smoke break.. and then after that.. why not?
but what i want is not legal sadly

he has an interview today.. at 8pm.. hes doing it now.. and did his thing a little over na hour ago.. i told him he better not be too F'ed up before he does it... he is holding his own.. i am happy for him :)
i told him i would not think less of him if he didnt get the job
that he could do what he wanted while i was gone
he knows what he wants from life and he knows how to get it
he just needs to DO it
to PROVE it
anyway..