Nothings as loud as the voices that are whispering inside of your head.
I realized that I cannot run away from what I was trying to escape from.
Life is no different. My mind follows me wherever i go. They creep in...
I am still worried about where I will be after my summer camp... Thanks to my parents and other well meaning folks that balk when i say I have no idea where i will be.
I still am not as good of a freind as I know I could be.
The mirror is stil my enemy and my eyes have the uncanny ability to distort reality
I still listen to music,. close my eyes and long to be THERE.. to feel that way...
I still crave human connection and contact and understanding...
I still hvae the urge from deep down to cry.. to kick a wall.. but for no one reason... no one reason that i can place my finger upon atleast
I still wonder what people see when they look at me
I still hate the fact that I feel this way and cant allow myself to just LET GO
(Although.. there are certian times during the day when I am able to...)
Check out this song... It is one that I wish...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD8Dnd40EF8
Thursday, March 27, 2008
No escaping...
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2 comments:
Escape doesn't help. I re-reading a book in a classic sci-fi serise called "Dune" by Frank Herbert. In it, the characters repeat this when ever they get scared about something. It is called "The Litany Against Fear."
"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."
I have never just outright said it myself when I am afraid or worried but I do think of it. Especially the last bit.
I am sorry you are still having a hard time upon your return from you adventure. I still want to hear more stories about it. You know what a sucker I am for stories. :)
i'd just like to let you know that you are not alone and that escaping really is impossible.
Your problems, fears, sadness..its like a giant sandstorm. you try to move left and right but it goes left and right. the sandstorm just overwhelms you and you are completely surrounded. all you can do is face it.
that sounds harsh, but its true. and im sure you acknowledged that already.
however, i just want you to know that you arent alone and that it doesnt have to be such a painful journey. im not sure if you are religious or believe in God, but place your faith in God and Jesus Christ...& it wont be so lonely or tough.
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