CONNECTION!!
After 3 days one teacher (out of 3 different schools) finaly emailed me! A 2nd grade teacher.
I am growing to love 2nd grade.
I got to hang out in the classroom today.. help out... read a book to them..
Its all wayy too fascinating to me. I LOVE it. Every classroom I step into only reinforces my curiosity.. my urge to teach.. the excitement for my own classroom someday..

JP got a job potential.. with OutWard Bound. Right up his alley... he would be doing outdoor/hiking/camping/kayaking semester programs with at risk students.... which would put him away. FAR away for at least a semester.. if not longer. I want soo bady to be happy for him.. to be encouraging.. but I want him near me.. and that job wil only take him further away.. and He SAID he was going to settle down.. Taking that job is not necessarily setting down.
My eyes literaly tear up at the THOUGHT of him being gone for so long... It has barey been 2 months since I left him this time and I struggle everyy day.

Why cant i find a friend? Why cant i go out on my own and make freinds by myself? Why dont I have confidence in myself? Why why whyyyyy cant I be okay with myself...

why cant someone just come and woo me and take me away from all of this.. show me what its supposed to be like..