More of the same ol same ol'
this past weekend.. bliss.. with some tears..
I got to drive down to the beach to visit JP on his weekend back.. he was going to stay til Thursday (tomorrrow) but he got the call saturday that he had to work monday.. which ment i had to call up expedia.. get a refund on the ticket i JUST purchased.. and get a new reservation for him to fly out Sunday..
on Monday he found out his trip was cancelled.. so he easily COULD HAVE stayed..
:(
but we did a lot of laying around together.. watching tv.. staying warm.. reconnecting..
and he introduced me to Jaegermeister.. YUM! i never knew such goodness..
though i havent had anymore since i got back sunday..
just going to work.. training with the babies and toddlers.. they have a new room opening up next door.. so they have been opening boxes with new toys.. setting up the new room.. getting me excited for MY new room.. which STILL i have heard no word on when i get to start putting together MY room-and the kids come on the 25th..
going to work.. getting back.. busying myself.. popping in a kickboxing or pilates video.. or walking down to the grocery store to stare at all the things i wont allow myself to buy in fear i will eat it all at once..
cold cold cold..
but soon to warm up i suppose..
things have been going steadily as they have..
Friday i DO plan to go OUT to the pub across the street for a drink.. to get out.. to try to meet some people.. or at least SOMEONE..
who knows if that will actually happen or not.
i still dream of the day i will get to fly down to JP.. to the warmth.. to the Everglades..
we talk we talk we talk
of plans for the future.. of going to Maine for the summer for him to kayak or back to the San Juans.. i am easy going.. i like visiting/living/experiencing new places as long as i have SOMEONE i know. (JP)
but DO plan on going back to HEad Start in the fall.. MAYBE Hendersonville? depending on how the next few months go and if i make friends.. or maybe someowhere else.
but i dont think i can take another season away from him.
i wish i had exciting news..
i guess i did get recertified in CPR and First Aid..
and I have a job
and people that love me (even though its so hard for me to accept since i have no one HERE with me physically)

OH!!
I do get to babysit on Saturday for Carina!!! :)
I do hope to reconnect with her.. its so weird to not see/talk to her anymore..
i dont WANt to stray away.
i DO need her... i just am so hesitant to call and ask to come over.. i dont want to intrude.. and i have my routine.. my safe/comfort routine..

despite all the exercise videos and eating right i still feel no difference.. though JP claimed i was smaller.. i cant tell..
smiles from strangers do make my day though
and when the little ones at work come and hug me
i always make a point.. whne they wake up from nap i hold them in my arms while they become used to being awake.
i feel more comfortable there now.. taking control more.. getting to know the kids more.. what they like.. what calms them.. what upsets them..
makes me want my kids all the more.. to get started..
soon enough..