I cant seem to get it right
what did i do wrong?
was i TOO excited when i gave out my phone number?
was i not excited enough?
did they forget to call me?
did they really think i had anything else to do?
why didnt i get their phone number?

yet another night of sitting back
waiting
hoping
not sure if ia m hoping FOR an invitation to go back out into the world.. or hoping that i can hide away for another night
i am super tired
drained.
11 hour work again

JPs gone.
I cooked for him last night!:)
Baked Ziti. I put my all into it.. threw caution to the wind.. most especially because i attempted 2 different things to make but realized i lacked ingredients so i settled on baked ziti-Penny style.. (meaning no real meaning or recipe or rhyme or reason to it... just layered and swirled and baked..
and the oven.. propane.. i forgot you had to light it so the whole trailer part reeked of propane and i had to wait a good half hour before i felt safe enough to attempt to light the oven again
thankfully he brought 2 others with him.
he barely had what one wold consider a portion. The other 2 wiped it out.
i was happy.
happy to cook
happy to serve
happy to please others
happy they were talking to me
inviting me.. talking to me.. etc

We went to the bar again
i had been CRAVING dance.. dance party.. loud music.. the rush of the alcohol and adrenaline.. letting loose.. Captain Jack called and told me to come dance with him at Herbs. I WANTED TO SOO BAD!!
but i didnt really feel comfortable enough to go alone. And i KNEW JP was not going to dance at all.NOR would he like the fact that i went over there to say hi to Captain Jack.
(and btw today he invited me to go with him on his rowboat and a bottle of wine...)

I gave my phone number to 3 people.. asked 4 or 5 to call me tonight..
notta one

but my eyes ache from being awake.
and so i go