But Yet I am Still sAd.. and for no reason in particular..
but many reasons... small reasons..
as usual..
the yearn to have friends.. to not be lonely.. to not be sad.. to love life again.. to be able to feel comfortable with others.. to not get nervous/skeptical when i am alone with others-potential friends..constantly never being able to be comfortable..

AND why is it that the only thing that I can legally use as an escape is something that is QUITE risky to my life
(drinking and liver transplant patinets=not good combination)

but i cant smoke because its illegal and all of the jobs I want/need require testing..
and blah blah blah

and i keep 2nd guessing..
Do i really want to work at the Convalescent center"?
Is it really what I want to be doing? or is it what SOCIETY/MY PARENTS want me to be doing (GET A JOB!)... at the detriment of fun...
I mean
I guess things might not be that bad
but the thought of spending all day long with a bunch of half comotose old people.. changing their sheets, etc.
does not really equate to fun.. or excitement to work. or whatnot..

BUT I LOVE WAITRESSING