Is it weird that i absolutely LOVE being a waitress?
Last time i did it.. in Tuscaloosa.. and here
I get that rush when there is everyone in there
its like a strategy game to me
How many people can i make smile
while still making sure their drinks are full
and their food is hott
and I get their orders right
and still have time to make their day all that much more divine
The family is a real italian-new york family
the dad can be scary if he needs to be... but I know about those people who can be in your face.. but dont mean it.. they really are good people.. they put on a front
i havent felt his wrath.. but I hear stories..
They keep offering to make me anything.. for free
and it smells SOOO good.. and looks delicious
and i love watching the pizza slowly roll out of the oven.. watching the cheese bubble and boil like lava.. slowly browning.. if you put your ear close enough you can hear the sizzle

meanwhile
he still is doing nothing
still has not made any effort that I can see.. sits around.. does what he does.. doesnt eat.. and i can still hear him puking in the bathroom..
and it messes with my head
my mind.. my soul.. my spirit.. my heart..

and i feel scared and alone
beacuse i want so badly to keep my blind faith that everythings going to be okay
that hes going to be better when we leave
but he just seems so distant lately..
or maybe i am
and also the little window that i have to the real world.. .working.. communicating.. spreading my wings in that little way.. little bits of the day.. makes it harder to come back
but i do
because i do love him and need him...