song for the moment

WHY do i let others dictate ow i feel?
seriously
i dont want it.. but i let it happen
i call him every single night when i am at work.. whether i feel sad or happy or exhausted...
he wanted me to come over for the last 2 nights and i couldnt because i was single staffed.
now that there are 5 staff there including staff.. 2 in 2 cabins.. one in the last cabin ..
he wont even F123213 call.. wont .. cant.. i dont know.. but t doesnt make me feel goode about myself..
:(
nope
after that long week on shift.. i was going to.. but i didnt.. and now.. after his ONE day with the kids... LESS than one day... nothing..
and im too F!@E#{129i scared to call.. too sel,f conscious... too scared that he wont answer or will not want to come.,..
whatever
goodngiht


and i dont think its the wine talking.. though i admit i did have quite too much