and now for the nighttime slide

and now
every night i am not at work
i start the downhill slide.
texting people just so that i can get that rush of delight that someone cares enough to text back
sipping on the wine wishing that i had people to play with.. people to entertain..
but HOW do i meet those people?
It end to chicken out... not believe that people actually would WANt to hang out with me.. why would they? what do i have to offer?
I make up excuses if i do happen to get an opportunity to hang out with someone.. i scare myself away.. i put up walls..
Im still in that world where i am waiting for someone to save me . .
i know better
i know better
i just need to believe.. to allow things to be.. to go outside and read on the benches in downtown instead of curled up in a ball in my fun round chair that i keep falling out of.
the time will come
i dont want to play this game anymore

but..
back to the kids on Wednesday :) YaY! it cannot come soon enough