:(

I dont know how to ask for help
i dont know how to reach out to people
i dont know how to tell people that i am breaking and i need them with me

I called a couple people tonight.. ... hoping beyond hope that they would invite me wiht them.. or come to me.. to console me..
no takers.. no nothing..
just small talk
until we hung up

I need someone right now
i am broken
i am going downhill
i am going downhill fast

Its Kyke;s birthday tomorrow.
He would be 25 if he were alive right now. He died in January.
We ahd a HORrible relationship up until about a year into his cancer.
I never was able to cry very much
today
i cried
i cried enough for all of everyone put together
i fell apart
i hate how everything piles up
i hurt

i hate to say it
but i do
i need saving
i dream of someone coming to save me
but
nope
its not going to happen
nope

I look at all the freinds on my phone
wanting SOOOooo badly to connect with someone
to call someone
but
giving up
too much
i dont want to get shot down
i dont think i could go through that again.

so i lay here
alone
again
wine and tears and sleep