tattoos.. all 8.. as requested..

HIS tattoo.. $200.. native american indian art.. a catfish.. TOOK FOREVER!! :/


$85 my honeypot :) i love honey/..


$80 the CLAW!! supposed to be puff the magic dragon.. but i am quite easily influenced by tattoo men after a drink or two..


$120 a sparrow.. they carry the souls of the dead.. it wasnt suposed to be that far down my neck.. it was supposed to be back a bit.. but oh well.. and it hurts the worst.. NECK TATTTOOS HURT!! :( :( they have to STRETCH each inch of the skin,. tattoo it.. let it go.. stretch it again.. and tatt again..etc.


$100.. Native American whale jumping out of hte water.. He drew it.. i got it.. hes jealous :)


$130 YOSHI!! and baby mario~ dedicated to Kyle.. my brother.. he used to tease me about Yoshi and how Yoshi was a donkey and i believed him for the longest time..


$60 pretty pretty stars.. my favorite.. but its so hidden that no one can really see.. but so pretty..


$85.. MY very first.. in late august of 2008.. and now.. as of Feb 23 09 i have 8 tattoos.. :)

Last of the Mohicans..

ove the movie
love the music
.....

KAYAK!! :) :) :)

Kayaking
is
amazing

I went out for the first time in my life..
walked down to the peir in the community where my parents live.. free access to the waters, canoes and kayaks..
took my time figuring out the lock.. how to get the kayak out of the locks.. dragging it (tho not REALLY dragging it because iwas afraid to break it) to the end of the peir and putting it in the water.. getting in without tipping.. realizing i left my ipod and headphones on the dock... got back out somehow.. put it away.. got back in.. realized i didnt lock everything back up.. got out.. did it.. got back in.. realized i didnt have a lifejacket... got out.. unlocked it again.. got one.. locked it back up.. got back in.. realized i didnt have the paddle..
but
i finally made it out.. it was rough at first.. no idea HOW to use the thing.. i had my experience with canoes.. but not with kayaks..
:)
but i got roaring.. down the river.. nearing sunset.. looking out at the naked trees.. Spanish moss.. logs sticking out of the water.. i sat out there a bit.. cried some more.. decided it was getting dark.. headed back.. realized i was going AGAINST the wind AND Against the tide.. finally made it back around the island.. couldnt find the dock in the dark.. but finally made it.. after 2 phone calls from my mom
"Hello! where are you? This is your mom.. being a mom.. its time to come home.. its dark.."

so lovely to be surrounded by water.. hearing it lap up against the side of the kayak.. i really didnt want to come back in

and now i have blisters on my thumbs..

itsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokay

itsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokay
it really is
right?

i think i am just scared of not being needed.. not making an impact.. just passing though life.
i left him today
well
sort of
i went home
cuz he said he needed some time to think
so i left
and cried the whole way home
i cant help him as hard as i try as many things as i buy for him or for us nothing really helps in the long run

we stayed up last night talking.. well i think i did most of the talking..

i love when he wakes me up in the middle of the night... :)

i made cheese bread today... just as he told me the news.. i ended up throwing it away.. and tossing out the sweet tea i made for him last week which he never touched.. i worked hard on that too.. made 2 batches because the first one tasted not so good and i wanted it to be good for him

i hate that i am waiting for him to make a decision with his life before i decide what im going to do
but theres nothing more id rather do
see if he still needs me... see if he wants me to move with him.. if i should move on..
i gave up a lot for him
New Orleans Mardi Gras.. staying and keeping my parents company.. leaving Emily (altho that was mostly because my parents needed me but he sidetracked me).. the tattoos.. numerous potential jobs..
but at the same time
its worth it
because i do love him
and it scares me that i like him this much

and so i fade away into my eating disorder and crumble when I give in to food.. adding even more to the emotional mess i am in..
but
when he holds me or smiles or anything.. then everythings beautiful again

im lost
and
i never knew i could cry this much
my face hurts
my eyes are so dry, but the tears keep coming...
weird..

now what?

ROUGH TIMEs AHEAD!

I took him away from the source.. so.. things are still a little shaky.. but hes going to be over it soon..
I just cant sit around all the time.. that really is not me. I am not one to sit around all day. I need a job. I need people. I need movement. I need variety. I need excitement...
Once he figures out what to do with his life I will decide whether to pursue or to move off on my own.
If he goes to San Diego. I AM DOWN.
and why not? lots of opportunities.. a free place to stay... West Coast.. warmth... a whole new scene..
Or teach in Thaialand.
I would love to do that.. it just seems so unfeasible.. delayed gratification. I need things now. I really do.

and
i need to stop with the tattoos.
I love them
i really do
i do i do i do

i also love cheese
and bread
and my new thing now is STRAWBERRIES
chopped and dabbed in sugar.. mm...

killing me..

(starts at 1:12)



"look in my eyes.. all i wanted was you.. your killing me.. killing me.."

i cant stop listening to it
and cant stop crying

walking in on him today
was the scareiest thing in my life
looked as though passed out,,, wouldnt respond...

says hes going to bet better once we leave his parents house..
i dont know anymore
i want soo badly to beleive it
and everyones telling me to leave him
and
my hearts ttelling me to stay..

:(

He quit his job
we are both wayfaring wanderers..
nomads..
lost..
with no idea what to do..
and hes not taking it too well..
but thats okay
we chill at his parents .. down at the beach.. beautiful here.. hes beuatiful to me..
tattoo #7 as well..
a drawing he did while up in washington.. a fish.. pacific nothwest american indian style.. right in my back.. beautful.. big..
but
seriously
im sticking it through
because i beleive in him
and i do need him
as much as it hurts me when he does cettain things..

hes also amazing in other areas.. lots of bliss together.. and im fine just laying around with him
i love his family too.. they seem to like me.. talk to his sister.. talk to his mommma and daddy.. his daddys obsessed with the house they are building.. and we tooka tour of it..
i also like to tease ..
tempt
hehe
its a game to me
until i finally get him
wonderful
but
i still worry
and the other day
i cried harder and longer than i ever have before.. sobbing hard core.. had to go to the bathroom because i hate crying in front of people..
im trying to be strong
but its hard
and i cant keep it up forever.. driving all over.. pretendiing im not hurting too.. being strong for him.. tolerating what he does..
but
i imagine
its going to be worth it in the end
im letting him wallow for abit
and then im going to start pushing him even more... making him redo his resume.. send it out.. blah blah..
because
im in love..
and
its beautiful when it is
he gaveme roses this morning..and a box of chocolate.. but we both agreed to give it to his mommy instead..

We could go to San Diego and stay with his freind until we get on our feet.. find jobs out there.. or stay with my grandparents in Wenatchee, WA or to my uncles in FreMont, WA.. anywhere..
but i dont think he can leave this place quite yet

I LOVE MY TATTOO!