tattoos.. all 8.. as requested..

HIS tattoo.. $200.. native american indian art.. a catfish.. TOOK FOREVER!! :/


$85 my honeypot :) i love honey/..


$80 the CLAW!! supposed to be puff the magic dragon.. but i am quite easily influenced by tattoo men after a drink or two..


$120 a sparrow.. they carry the souls of the dead.. it wasnt suposed to be that far down my neck.. it was supposed to be back a bit.. but oh well.. and it hurts the worst.. NECK TATTTOOS HURT!! :( :( they have to STRETCH each inch of the skin,. tattoo it.. let it go.. stretch it again.. and tatt again..etc.


$100.. Native American whale jumping out of hte water.. He drew it.. i got it.. hes jealous :)


$130 YOSHI!! and baby mario~ dedicated to Kyle.. my brother.. he used to tease me about Yoshi and how Yoshi was a donkey and i believed him for the longest time..


$60 pretty pretty stars.. my favorite.. but its so hidden that no one can really see.. but so pretty..


$85.. MY very first.. in late august of 2008.. and now.. as of Feb 23 09 i have 8 tattoos.. :)

Last of the Mohicans..

ove the movie
love the music
.....

KAYAK!! :) :) :)

Kayaking
is
amazing

I went out for the first time in my life..
walked down to the peir in the community where my parents live.. free access to the waters, canoes and kayaks..
took my time figuring out the lock.. how to get the kayak out of the locks.. dragging it (tho not REALLY dragging it because iwas afraid to break it) to the end of the peir and putting it in the water.. getting in without tipping.. realizing i left my ipod and headphones on the dock... got back out somehow.. put it away.. got back in.. realized i didnt lock everything back up.. got out.. did it.. got back in.. realized i didnt have a lifejacket... got out.. unlocked it again.. got one.. locked it back up.. got back in.. realized i didnt have the paddle..
but
i finally made it out.. it was rough at first.. no idea HOW to use the thing.. i had my experience with canoes.. but not with kayaks..
:)
but i got roaring.. down the river.. nearing sunset.. looking out at the naked trees.. Spanish moss.. logs sticking out of the water.. i sat out there a bit.. cried some more.. decided it was getting dark.. headed back.. realized i was going AGAINST the wind AND Against the tide.. finally made it back around the island.. couldnt find the dock in the dark.. but finally made it.. after 2 phone calls from my mom
"Hello! where are you? This is your mom.. being a mom.. its time to come home.. its dark.."

so lovely to be surrounded by water.. hearing it lap up against the side of the kayak.. i really didnt want to come back in

and now i have blisters on my thumbs..

itsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokay

itsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokayitsgoingtobeokay
it really is
right?

i think i am just scared of not being needed.. not making an impact.. just passing though life.
i left him today
well
sort of
i went home
cuz he said he needed some time to think
so i left
and cried the whole way home
i cant help him as hard as i try as many things as i buy for him or for us nothing really helps in the long run

we stayed up last night talking.. well i think i did most of the talking..

i love when he wakes me up in the middle of the night... :)

i made cheese bread today... just as he told me the news.. i ended up throwing it away.. and tossing out the sweet tea i made for him last week which he never touched.. i worked hard on that too.. made 2 batches because the first one tasted not so good and i wanted it to be good for him

i hate that i am waiting for him to make a decision with his life before i decide what im going to do
but theres nothing more id rather do
see if he still needs me... see if he wants me to move with him.. if i should move on..
i gave up a lot for him
New Orleans Mardi Gras.. staying and keeping my parents company.. leaving Emily (altho that was mostly because my parents needed me but he sidetracked me).. the tattoos.. numerous potential jobs..
but at the same time
its worth it
because i do love him
and it scares me that i like him this much

and so i fade away into my eating disorder and crumble when I give in to food.. adding even more to the emotional mess i am in..
but
when he holds me or smiles or anything.. then everythings beautiful again

im lost
and
i never knew i could cry this much
my face hurts
my eyes are so dry, but the tears keep coming...
weird..