Just 24 hours...

okay.

I am needing people to come to my house.
one last time.. please..
no one understands how much this really means to me.
i never had anything in high school. every time i tried to invite people over, Kyle would call me and them names.. and when they left he would most certinaly let it be known that i couldn't/shouldn't have people over.. He was the only one that could have poeple over.
so i stopped.
and i never brought people home during my university days.. except now..
Kyle was always there.. either mean and angry and .. or sick in the hospital or in front of his computer.
also.. i never had friends like i have now.
I have never really had the desire to try to set up a night wehere we take the 2 hour road trip down to my house.. with the
pool
hot tub
pool table
foose ball table
big kitchen
lots of rooms
comfy couches
Wii
and more..
Now i want it. I want it more than anything. I want to share with people my life. I want to provide people with memories.. "remember that one time we went down to Dana's?..." I want people to have stories.. I want stories. I want memories.
but
everyone is too busy
all I ask
is 24 hours
you won't regret it
trust me...
LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO COME!!

:[

why is it
that i have to LEAVE
so soon?
I had such a good chance..
such an opportunity for more than a friendship..
but no
i am leaving
he doesn't want to get started and then have to lose me
i suppose i don't want to either
i just want something.
i want that connection
i want that something more
cuddling and snuggling.. holding each other
coming over simply for a hug
sharing that inside joke or crooked smile
even if it only is for the last few weeks.
dont give up on me
dont leave me behind
dont forget about me
im still here
lets make these last few weeks ones that will go down in our memories
go down in our memories as "the good times"
i never had that.
never
not in my 4 years of college
never had that group of friends i could hang with
never had that boyfriend i could pour my heart to and still have him love me
never had that friend i could talk to when i felt as though i could never be happy again
i ALMOST have that.
almost...
i just wish all of this could have happened soo long ago
it hurts
wanting this to last
when i know it cant

more more more

I do
i do want to feel the way i felt that felt so good
again
i want that feeling again
that tingling all over
the butterflies
the catch of the breath...
reaction at the slightest touch...
my tickle spot :]
melt me as your fingers brush across my back..
...just below the neck..in between the shoulders...
now you have me
i'm yours
you know how to melt me
catch my eye and lock it in
i try to turn away but i cannot
what is it that you see
when you look inside of me?
its the laugh i love
its the eyes.. the looks..
the touches.. the gestures..
running my fingers through your hair..
i hope it relaxes you
..releases the ups and downs of the day..
and i know
when i hear the sigh
i love that feeling i felt that felt so good when i felt it
i do
i do want that feeling
again
now you have me...

late night musings..

AAHAAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

come sleep!
come to me gently
if i close my eyes
will you come by and give them a kiss
release my soul and let it breathe
lets go on the journey
lets do all the things i thought about doing
but didn't
let's do the things we both know we want to do
or rather.. the things i wish you would want to do
let the moon carry me
take me on a ride
take me away
to the place in my mind
where everything is always right
where the butterflies are always fluttering about
inside of me
that feeling envelops me
sailing in a sea of bliss
if only
if only in my waking life
if only in my waking life i could experience that sensation
yea
sure
a taste here
a brush there
lingering in the tension between us
only to be shattered as the door closes
leaving me to be forgotten
tossed aside and replaced
by all those others
the pretty ones
the cute ones
the ones with the dainty hands
the ones with the tight bodies
the ones with the smile.. the dress.. the boobs.. the body.. the hair.. the eyes..
and here i am
all alone again
forgotten until the next time we encounter each other
and once again our dance will begin
but only for the moment
i need more
I feel the connection.. why don't you?
i think about you when you aren't with me... why don't you?
meanwhile i sink down.. falling fast..
waiting for you to catch me
STOP!
you or me?
who should stop?
please don't use me like this.
if you want to play, play..
but please, if you play then play and stay...
let me hold onto this feeling through the night
so wrap me up and hold me tight
or let me go and don't come back
let me know, please let me know
if i need to get over you

:] I found a lovely fun things..

These are my lovely children from the summer camp last summer.. in my art room... notice the walls.. we painted them.. :] As i said.. its not necessarily the PRODUCT.. its the process that i live for..

I found this on my computer and I had it as a post awhile ago.
but it made me smile.
so here we go again.



Soo... i pretty much love painting.

The greatest most wonderful times are with paint.. whether it be tossing powered paint around in the sky or in a fan and let it slowly flow down from the sky like colored snow.. or tossing soft squishy balls covered in paint at each other... or mixing together the vibrant colors and watching as the swirls slowly merge into each other and form a new color.. the cool creamy feel of the paint as you squish it around your fingers... the swooosh of the paint brush as you leave behind a trail of paint on the paper.

I cannot paint without getting it all over. All over me... all over the floor.. all over the paper... all over everything...

I never have a product in mind when i start painting. I let it emerge. That is the best part because you can never mess up.

As the lovely Pablo Picasso once said, “The world today doesn't make sense, so why should I paint pictures that do?”

Hello?>

Question:
What makes YOU think of ME?


and does anyone even really read this?

Let me know out there.. that someone read this.. or no one does..

More Playlist music..

.....I like the Live from the Music Lounge version 1023-0923-90 times better


:]
I want to meet a mother nature;s son..


what if the wind of my soul is drowned out by all of the tornados around me?


I want to go see him.. quite badly..


He came around here nearby somewhere on Monday AND I NEVER KNEW!! sad :[ I shall have to catch him another time..