I've Learned:

Soo...
I went to my Couchsrufing.com website.. looked up people from Omaha.. sent out emails to many (if not al) of them and asked them to convince me to move to Omaha.. tell me about the city.. what they like to do.. why they are there, etc.
the response i got was sad
most everyone was warning me awway.. saying its boring.. cold.. not much nature/hiking.. bad public transportation..
but good":
cheap.... GOOD live/indie music scene... ALL 4 seasons..

Anyway..
i happened upon one guy who i was emailing and found a quote that realy REALLY touched me...
SO
so sososo
true..

->I know its a LOT to read.. but it is true.. and makes you think...
or atlast it did to me..

"I've learned"

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. And it's not the end of the world.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do.
I've learned that it's not what happens to people, It's what they do about it. I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done When it needs to be done regardless of the consequences. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't five me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
I've learned taht your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
I've learned to love and be loved.
I've learned.

- Omer B. Washington

3 jobs... decision time..

3 jobs..

1. PAcific Science Center
30 hours (A MONTH)
http://www.pacsci.org/
the place i GREW UP going to.. with dinosaurs that roar and moan and squirm... and huge water room with literally canals of water all around the room... a warm tropical butterfly house that retains heat and light and butterflies all year round... all in the shadow of the Space Needle..
but
30 hours a month
in a VERY expensive city
tho i do have friends in the area already..
and its the place ive always wanted to go back to..
and a place that i KNOW people will come visit me..
Id only be doing birthday parties and occasional weekend educational class or activity..
SOOOOOO Id need to find another job...

2. Henry Doorly Zoo
http://www.omahazoo.com/
one of hte BEST zoos in the world
the city where i had my liver transplant back in 1988.. .I already contacted the place where i had my transplant.. the transplant team.. they were excited for their success story...
the zoo where my mom used to take me there whenever she could get me out of the hospital
that i randomly emailed in hopes there was a position...
they called me back to interview for the sleepover staff.. where i get to lead tours and programs and activities for groups that spend the night at the zoo..
SO much fun (so it seems...)
but
its soo far away from any and every ocean.. seems quite boring.. no beauty... cold cold cold..
but my DREAM is to work at a zoo.. and this is my foot in the door..

3. McWane Science Center..
RIGHT near my old college town.. so lots of people i could visit... and play and party...
25 hour a week.. working birthday parties.. and teaching classes for kids 3-6... and "walking the floor" and engaging children and their families.. cleaning.. etc.
the lady who interviewed me was SUPER enthusiastic about me and immediately took me to her boss and the other lady i was supposed to visit in the 2nd interview..
more hours than any other.. but i am not impressed with a lot of Birmingham.. but i LOVE the McWane center...

I interviewed there yesterday.. after a day that got progressively worse and worse.. broke down to tears 6 times by 2:30... visitted my good friend Trent :) :) : ) my inspiration.. before he left for Australia for 8 months.. he has opened up a world of possibilities and options and points of veiw that i NEVER would have had access to if it wasnt for him
STayed at a couch surfers place.. drank a bit too much and woke up still slightly shaky and drunk and icky and the migrane/headache/tummyache/hangover got worse and worse as i tried to decide where to head to next
Andalusia.. back to Emily.. tho shed be at a funeral.. and then off doing her own thing..
Augusta... to be with my parents and brother.. last time we are all together before Summer.. Gregs leaving for school Satruday..
Asheville.. to talk it out with JP.. face to face instead of over the phone and facebook.. i know the truth of how he feels.. and i knew.. and after a bit of sadness and :( i got over it and shrugged it off.. that doesnt change how i feel.. and he still cares..
SO
AUGUSTA tonight..
ASHEVILLE tomorrow
ANDALUSIA sunday
then..
back to Augusta.. to be with parents.,, and new friend.. hopefully eventually ill find a place to settle down
i need a therapist

EMILY!!

IM HERE!
Im here
with emily..
no jobs.. but Emily is here :)
She has such a different.. such a fun lifestyle and spirit!
I love my room.. its blue.. with paint splatters..
but i now feel even more lost.. in a way..
have job potentials in the air
Henry Doorly Zoo.. did a job interview in the car (NOT PREPARED.. he just started it the first time i called and I was too flustered to ask him if we could do it another time..)
Pacific Science Center... 2nd and final interview today where i get to do a sample lesson over the phone.. its only 30 hours per month-ish.. BUT ITS IN SEATTLE! and i get to work at the place that was my FAVORITE as a child.. birthday parties.. weekend classes..
McWane Center... Birmingham, AL.. I thought it was the science center i went to with my parents a few times.. but quickly realized that place is in MOBILE-not Birmingham.. so some last minute research into what the place is about will go on before the interview tomorrow at 3

AND then i couch surf at a friends in Birmingham...
and then EITHER
back to Emily Friday
or
to Augusta to have him come over for the night..

I kinda REALLY want him to come.. no one else will be there.. i want to show him where im coming from.. in terms of my life.. my family.. my house.. etc.

MOVING.. and Romeo and Juliet..

Mannnnn
I cant believe I am actually doing this.. just up and move.. its not like Andalusia, AL will be much be much better job-wise..
but i need Emily.. I really do
But wow..
its starting to hit me..
I cried off and on all day today..
NEVER felt so alone and unwanted... packing up my car.. my LAST DAY here... and no one is around..
HIM And Zack are both working.. I cant get ahold of anyone in Asheville..
SOOO Emotional today-> in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad way..
thinking of all the things.. piled up..

>Anniversary of Kyle's death
-how he was sOSO SO horrible to me.. but yet he was the one who caught me and told my parents about my eating disorder... and stuck up for me when they got on my case... how i never cried at his "funeral" ... how i looked up to him soo much and all i wanted was his approval.. and never really got it.. tho other people said differently..
>Friend in Newfoundland died last week.. Jackie.. :(
-and i cant attend the funeral because im soo far away.. such an amazing person..
>VERY little money.. less than id ever had in my life.. and that SCARES me
>NO job.. mine here was given away.. but she claims shes more than willing to bring me back if i stay.. she says im the best employee and im also her babysitter.. and shes german.. and i love her.. and she cried when she learned i was leaving.. and her baby gives the best hugs and says my name now nad I can never tell if hes speaking german or baby babble and i was the only one who could put him to sleep-NOT EVEN HIS GRANDPARENTS could do that.. .
>HIM :( no comment.. but i will miss him like no other.. tho i cry and drink over him... a lot.. .
> all of what Asheville has to offer.. head shops.. rainbow kids.. fun bars.. Harayz.. fun people.. Mast Gerenal STore.. Kilwins chocolates... Flat Rock Bakery..
>Mom getting drunk christmastime and telling all my relatives of how i got fired and have no job and going nowhere..
>too many false hopes in terms of job opportunity... why does no one want me? I WILL SOOOO MAKE IT WORTH THEIR TIME!!

more too probaby...
but i need tog et back to my movie..

Mercutio's famous QUEEN MAB speech.. drug effects (I WANT MOLLY!!!).. and fish tank scene.. (SOOO pretty... such a beautifully romantic way to meet... amazing bathroom too :) and he really does look like an angel.. LOVE the "Young Hearts Run Free" dance...LOVE MERCUTIO!!!:)

my lips.. two blushing pilgrims ready stand.. to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss
palm to palm is holy palmers kiss... O TRESPASS SWEETLY URGED..GIVE ME MY SIN AGAIN!
and the looks on their faces when they realize who the other is.. soo heartbreaking..
"My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,
That I must love a loathed enemy."
"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou her maid art far more fair than she."
SHE SPEAKS! SPEAK AGAIN BRIGHT ANGEL

such beautiful words...

interesting how everyone is dressed up to represent the entirety of their characters
Romeo: Knight [Juliet's knight and shining armor]
Juliet: Angel [gentle, kind, sweet,pure,young,beautiful]
Tybalt: Devil [evil]
Mercutio: Diva [joker]
Capulet: Julieus Ceaser [king, lord]
Lady Capulet: Cleopatra [all buisness]
Paris: Astronot [well respected]

and now for the other version...

ha~its got the words at the bottom.. sorry thats kinda annoying.. but yea.. this version is amazing.. i love her bright blue eyes... soo pretty.. tho her boobs are poppiong out and rather LARGE for a "13 year old" TUCK THOSE LADIES IN~..though im trying to make myself believe its just the corset..

FINAL.. "DEATH" scene..
Version A (1968)

"When he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars. And he shall make the face of Heaven so fine, that all the world will be in love with night, and pay no worship to the garish sun".


And in this one.. he actually SEES that shes alive just as the poison is about to set in... traGIC!! and hes crying the whole time.. and the flashbacks... BUT SO DIFFERENT THAN HOW SHAKESPEARE PICTURED IT...

randomnes.s.s..s.s.s....

WHAAAHHHPOOSH!!


..scandalous..


EMILY!! IM COMING~~

I miss Quizno... :/

"are You lonesome tongiht" Elvis..
AN D
the song that came on
my playist..

DITCHED! and German baby..

well.
hes workin til sundy
the day i leave
it SUCKS to fall for someone who doesnt care about you
sometimes he says he does.. but he doesnt really prove it much

BUT
I got baby love from little orlando :)
It is fun to babysit and play iwth him~
hes nearly 2 and speaks German.. so there i am.. feeding him while hes looking at books pointing to different things and saying something.. And i cant tell if it is German or baby babble. .so I get out the german-english dictionary and try to figure out what is going on.. then i look up "what" and say taht a lot.. and "yes" and "no" and "good" and "sleep" and "play"
A rather absurd picture tho.. a babyistter desperately looking to communicate with this baby that barely speaks at all and is a mix between German and baby babble...
he gives the best hugs tho :)
at least he loves me.. And Carina (the mommmy)

I was feeling like shit yesterday.. so i went out.. got a hair cut.. put on a little short dress, thigh high socks and heels.. met up with a friend i hadnt seen in a couple years and we ended up talking for a good hour while he was supposed to be working.. EArthFare.. and then I left. . talked to another friend and HE invited me to the EarthFare party for EarthFare workers.. and i met up with my other friend there..
as the drinks kept coming i kept getting worse at Darts.. and forgetting i had on my short dress.. teasing (i guess) the boys behind me as i fumbled around to pick up the dart that fell and STUCK in the ground.. or that went high up on the mantle..
Last night was fun :)

Tonight is not :(
WHAT A BLOW.. to come home after babysitting only to find out the person you;d been waiting for you wont see until the DAY YOU HAVE TO LEAVE.
:(
so i drank
drank the b roth from 2 cupOnoodles and rumemd it up
and cried
and wished i didnt drink so i could go out to Asheville to show people what im made of..