"I just want some one to say to me

I'll always be there when you wake"

i need to "upgrade"

Annnnnd i let him do it again tonight.. 2nd chance.. we didn't go to the concert.. just sat around like old times.. munching on delicious cheese bread.. He still doesn't understand why I left him in the stands last night.. though i told him.. he doesn't understand how pissed i was: getting there over an hour late-taking the pills-using up my green-falling asleep during the concert HE got me interested in cuz its supposedly his favorite band..
He got a call at 9:15.. i could tell he was tired-he had almost fallen asleep a little earlier.. he kept talking (on the phone) about how he had to go to work tomorrow at 9.. talking about hanging out.. my tummy sank yet again
At least this time HE wasn't driving up there, his friend was driving down to HIM,.. so.. I ditched him yet again..
ANd the thing that pisses me off most about all of this...
when i leave.. he doesn't come after me..
doesn't even make a move.. though sometimes he "Whats wrong with YOU?"...

i guess that should tell me something.. as it has before..

As my new friend says, I need to "upgrade"

PANIC!~! Widespread style..

Hmm..
So Widespread Panic, huh!?
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. show..
though for me it came in intervals.. NOT because of the music ro the atmosphere but because of who i went with.
He didn't even get home from being at his parents until 8-when the concert was supposed to start.. and we still had to drive nearly 40 minutes.. and before we left he still had to "gather up a few things"
He took some pills.. used my green.... and i saw his eyes get droopy.. the funny feeling in my tummy grew bigger... this does NOT look good..
we got there around 9:15 or so.. went down to the floor where I jammed and he teetered between dancing and standing (swaying) with his eyes closed..
Set ended... he suggested we go up to the seats so we could see better.. He immediately crashed when we sat down.. I kept waking him.. even went to get him 2 Snickers (which actually was a happy little adventure for i got to be free from him and NOT sit down)...
Music started.. he never stood up.. the people around me were older so I couldn't even really enjoy myself.. talk to them.. But i was stuck in the middle of the row...
Ha~ I texted Emily and Erin.. because they know him and me and our situation.. and with their persuasion i did the thing i wanted to do all along..
I left him.. went down to the floor by myself.. and TOTALLY loved it~ :)
Such a freeing feeling.. out there on the floor.. lights splashing all around you... becoming one with the music and hte crowd.. though at times some of the guys around me creeped me out.. I actually MOVED a lot because different guys started trying to dance with me and i didn't like or want it.. Though i did meet a nice guy and ended up giving him a false phone number at the end
beautiful music~ ESPECIALLY When they popped out the Drums and started this fun and funky African Tribal Dance type beat.

So yea.. He needs to prove that he actually CareS.. and NOT by sticking his hand up my skirt.. he DID always reach for my hand when we maneuvered the crowd so i wouldn't get lost..
but he woke up just in time for the last song.. didn't even understand or get the point as to why i left him.. fell asleep in the car.. asked me to come over.. fell asleep within minutes of when i walked in the door.. sooo i walked RIght back out.. went to my own bed and SLEPT.
He wants me to get tickets for tomorrow because he felt bad that he slept through this one.. Part of me wants to.. so he can prove himself.. the other part wants me to NOT.. get tickets for myself.. find someone else to go with.. not put myself through that potential again..
ahh~

"GREAT FESTIVALS"

Okay;..
So when i went to the library the other day i picked p some random interesting reads.. plus a couple videos.. One of the videos:
Great Festivals
It goes through the year with different festivals from around the world.
Some.. I REALLY REALLY want to experience...
Others.. left me quite disturbed...
There was a section: Festivals of Penance
that left me cringing in unbelief.. shock..
WooooW... the things some people go through.. put themselves through.. WILLINGLY>>>

Gilget, PAkistan
Annual Ashura Festival
commemorate the death of Hussein.. his death marks the end of the holy blood line and 40 days of mourning ensues.. Among other things, the men expressed their grief and sadness of his death by attaching a small sharpened blade to a chain and whipping it back and forth until they are exhausted... VERY disturbing to watch.. even on video.. hundreds of men slashing themselves willingly.. bloody backs..

San Fernando, Philippines
Every year on Good Friday, the people of san Fernando re-enact the crucification of Jesus Christ.. with REAL people.. enduring pain as a form of penance.. they carry the cross all the way across town.. an excruciatingly slow and painful walk lasting to mid afternoon.. then the man is nailed to the cross.. and it is raised.. for 3 to 5 minutes.. 3 at a time.. so the huge crosses are raised and lowered many times throughout the afternoon to accommodate all that want to be crucified..

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Thaipusam
This festival was banned in India, actually.. The devoted Hindus attach heavy metal frames to their bodies using hooks.. with that, they support and carry heavy structures, statues and kavatis (heavy frames elaborately decorated with beads and peacock feathers) around the city.. they use those huge needles to pierce all the way through their lips and chins.. they also bring offerings to the shrine, asking for a blessing..

Running of the Bulls---NoT for Penance necessarily.. but still made me crings and shudder.. i couldn't watch that little section.. im sure it is beautiful to those who participate.. the rush of being chased and trampled by bulls and other frantic people.. i dont know.. NOT for me...


Other.. more FUN ones.. the ones I WAnT to visit.. see.. experience..

Utah
Burning Man
What can be more fun than a weeklong gathering of over 40,000 people in the middle of the desert, in the middle of sand storms, intense heat, miles from any city to party hard and burn a giant neon lighted man structure.. Such a fun, radical place.. lots of self expression going on.. lots of wackiness.. whimsicalness.. bordering on creepy.. free expression and free spirits.. elaborate costumes.. lots of drugs.. bugs in ice being sold (nothing can technically be sold except ice and expresso...

Rio De Janeiro
CarnivaL
Need i elaborate? no holding back.. good times.. colorful costumes.. lights.. late into the night.. party up..

..Amsterdam..
There needn't be any particular festival to get me to head out that way... Its small enough to get a real feel for what Amsterdam is like.. not spread out and elaborate like most capital cities.. Van Gogh Museum.. Anne Franks house.. very open, liberal, gay friendly... The :"Coffee shops" and "Smartshops" (only if you are of age) and THAT is where you can feel free to ask questions and buy-NOT from the street lurkers.. they are easily found by the giant green leafs on the outside or their rasta-type names.. Though.. something i DIDNT know. drugs really ARE illegal there.. a lot of the cops just turn a blind eye.. the use is a lot more tolerated over there..

Bangkok, Thailand
(and Phuket.. Koh Phi Phi-one of the best beaches on EARTH..and other places too)
exotic, vibrantly colorful dress with elaborate patterns... spicy smells permeating the air mixing in with the powerful stench of sweat and smoke incense... elephants.. beautiful pristine beaches.. friendly strangers coming to talk to you... stray dogs and cats roaming the streets..

more to come... :)
I continue to explore travel spots.. festivals.. etc.
but right now i need some cocoa..

Thanksgiving Stock up..

yeah... so wandering around the grocery store this evening.. thinking of what i could make for dinner.. I saw all the families.. the mothers.. the fathers.. the grandparents.. all stocking up on Thanksgiving foods.. heading home to love and warmth and hugs and families
I played the "I wonder whose going home.. alone.. no one for Thanksgiving.."
Only I won that award..
:(
Needless to say, I couldn't bring myself to buy anything..
though i did stand in front of the ice cream for a long while contemplating which one I should grab to devour..
None..
nothing
nada
nope
not gonna happen...

I need some friends.. family.. anything..
instead i suppose ill mix a drink and settle in for the night and worry about tomorrow.. tomorrow..
yep..

BUT i did get tickets to Panic on Friday.. I just hope he makes it back in time for us to go..
i worry still.. wonder.. hmmm..

Hobbit House~!

I really want to live here. THE ULTIMATE HOBBIT HOUSE!!



If you dont want to explore the website, Here are some of the highlights of this super fun house~!:

--Dug into hillside for low visual impact and shelter
--Stone and mud from diggings used for retaining walls, foundations etc.
--Frame of oak thinnings (spare wood) from surrounding woodland
--Reciprocal roof rafters are structurally and aesthaetically fantastic and very easy to do
--Straw bales in floor, walls and roof for super-insulation and easy building
--Reclaimed (scrap) wood for floors and fittings
--Woodburner for heating - renewable and locally plentiful
--Fridge is cooled by air coming underground through foundations
--Skylight in roof lets in natural feeling light
--Solar panels for lighting
--Water by gravity from nearby spring
--Compost toilet
--Roof water collects in pond for garden etc.

Some fun animals for you~!:)

As you may or may not know.. I am VERY curious..
AND i love animals.. they fascinate me..
so i have collected a few interesting ones here for your pleasure and entertainment and future knowledge.. .


....Malaysian Ants...
These creepy little crawlies have an interesting way of expressing their fear. When they feel threatened, they internally combust and their bodies explode. They have glands on either side of their body and when they contract their abs, the poison is sprayed out as they explode...


.... Horned Lizard ....
Such a cute little guy~!:) Though.. once again,.. has an interesting way of defending itself.. When he feels threatened, he pressures his own sinus cavities so much that the blood vessels in his eyes burst. Therefore, when he is scared, he sprays his potential attacker with blood from his eyes... up to 1/3 of its blood!! FROM HIS EYES!!


.... Kakapo ....
Quite a strange parrot... Hes short, squat, pudgy.. Hes nocturnal.. He NEVER flies and instead prefers to hike around the forst floor for miles each night... Hes the heaviest parrot, at 8 lbs... Sadly though, there are only about 62 left on earth and they all reside in New Zealand.


.... Spring Hare...
Sooo bizarre! It has been classified with jumping rodents ("jerboas"), squirrels and porcupines... Now it has its own classification.. It looks kind of like a kangaroo and a hare.. short tiny limbs with claws for digging.. ear flaps that are flexible to seal off the ear cannal to protect from sand.. he can jump 20-30 feet using his tail for balance (like a kangaroo)


.. SLOTHS!! ,,.
MY FAVORITE EVER~ awww..soo cute.. member of the edentate family (along with anteaters and armadillos)... hang upside down for most of their lives.. they have over 600 species of bacteria and plants living and growing off them at any iven time and the sloth will often eat them off if he is hungry... mothers give birth to their babies upside down.. they only come down form the tree once a week-and its only to take a pooh-then they ascend back up the tree... on ground, the fastest they can "crawl" is 1.2 miles per hour-reaching forward, digging their claws into the ground and then pulling themselves forward, dragging their bellies on the rainforest floor... it takes them 3 days to reproduce (have sex)... they can turn their head 270 degrees... apparently there is also evidence that sloths like beer and have been seen in the trees near 7/11s and other "watering holes" .. since they hang upside down so much, their internal organs are arranged differently than most animals..