PICTURES!

Me.. playing around with the computer camera! :)

KALE! Performing Cabin Olympics.. consisting of them jumping over the railing of the bed and tumbling onto the bed in various different ways..


Zack.. after attempting Cabin Olympics... (:


At our first campsite in Harpers Ferry.. I LOVE the leaves... soo pretty! :)


All of the boys standing in front of the Capital Building..

Me, being transfixed by this crazy trippy wall at the Smithsonian.. The colors were all moving and swirly and 3D and coming out at me..


My boys and I... we found this amazingly fun seat in the middle of the Smithsonian.. somewhere with a lot of skeletons.. I was bored and haunted by the skeletons so I sat down and soon all the boys were seated around it with me... and so.. Zack too the camera and SNAPPED!

Movieeeee and update..

Feast of Love


A movie I want to see...

< There is a story about the Greek Gods; they were bored so they invented human beings, but they were still bored so they invented love, then they weren't bored any longer. So they decided to try love for themselves. And finally, they invented laughter, so they could stand it. >

Morgan Freeman is the best narrator.. I LOVE his smooth, soothing yet confident and all knowing voice..
AND it takes place in Portland, Oregon..

ON another note..
i went to a job interview today
at a preschool
Although I was highly disappointed in the preschool... too confining.. no freedom for me to do what I need or want to do with my kids.. they offered me the job straight away.
I denied.
As i was walking out, I struck up a conversation with a cleaning lady. I explained that I had just graduated from University of Alabama, Early Childhood Education. She looked at me sympathetically...
"Oh honey... You shouldn't subject yourself to places like this. You can do so much better. Go on where you belong. You don't belong here. I can tell. You are a free spirit. Go on and be free where you need to be. But I don't want to see you around here-OR any place like this again..."
It provided me with lots to think about..

I still don't know what I want..
and am scared to know..
Looking tenatively at places to live in Asheville, but chicken out in terms of going to check them out. I love where I am at, though I know deep down I know I will LOVE it even more in Asheville, surrounded by a lot more to offer...
but i dont want to leave a lot of things here..
Express Yourself Studio and Carina.. she needs me... she nearly begged me to stay working with her, offering me a raise and more days.,,,
The cottage.. it is MINE.. I get this sense of relief and peace when i walk in the door.. but no one ever really comes to visit.. so i get lonely
JP.. he doesnt know what he is doing either... we mentioned going to Oregon... but that was just silly talk.. we mentioned him coming with me to Seattle.,.. but that was silly talk.. thats all it is.. silly talk.. about nothing that will be

Oh well..
time will tell what will happen..
what is supposed to happen will happen..
JUST KEEP ON TRUCKIN!

Mmmmm....

...pure HOTNESSS...

.....
HA!

Ha! loves it! : )

...
in other news, i found this AMAZING song...
accompanied by an AMAZING video.. .

CHECK ER OUT!!

Oka.y..
so i am gone..
no more Talisman for me :(
apparanttly.. it wasnt a "good fit" for me.. saying i needed to use my compassion and sensitivity and creativity somewhere where it could be utilized its best..
I cried
a lot
and hten i listened to my song
and i TRIED to let it go

Now.. i have NO idea what to do with my life

should i start over and go to Washington or Orgeon? start anew and fresh... finding all new freinds.. new life.. ?
Should i stay in the area and try to find another job here?
should i move back in with my parents?

and why am i so scared to make any decisions.. .
:/

paid suspension...

ok..
so
late Wednesday night.. while in DC.. I got a call from Bosman saying that something came up and i needed to go back to camp asap. He set me up with bus tickets for the next morning at 10AM
I spent the entire day.. from 9 until 3 am on buses or stuck at bus stations.. and then there was the 2 hour drive home due to complications and Bossman sending me to Henderson, NC instead of Hendersonville, NC (a good 200 mile difference)
ANYWAY
the phone call...
no hint as to what it was about.. just that i needed to get back there.. FREAKED ME OUT!
i cried.
if it was something simple like covering for other groups, why wouldn't they use other staff instead of paying al that money to get me back?
If they were going to fire me, why would they spend that money on me to get me back to camp right away?
What exactly did i do?
Should i look for a different job?
Maybe i should.. maybe i should just up and leave.. Washington/Oregon isnt that bad..
those were all the thoughts going through my head...

so at 9 this morning, after a restless, tossy turny 3 hours of sleep i went into work and immediately ran into one of the groups who were excited that i was back, but hesitantly confused as to why i was there..
i had no explanation
same with my boys who are back in DC.
when i left, they all were like, "Penny, if you are fired, I just wanted to let you know you are my favorite. I will miss you..."

Linda pulled me into the little extra room with another lady who i'd never seen before..
APPARANTLY.. someone saw me walk out of the bathroom during the trip and saw me walk PAST one of the kids who was smoking and i didnt do anything about him.. didnt confront him, etc.
Now..
i am NOT the only one to say that i am NOT the most observant person. There have been times where poeple are dumbfounded by what i DONT notice..
And this incident occured at night.. so.. going from bright bathroom lights.. warm indoors to the freezing cold darkness stumbling back to my little tarp to snuggle into my sleeping bag..
that would not be a time when i was on my ball
thats for sure

so
they are "investigating"
i am on paid suspension..
to be re-assessed before i go back on shift Wednesday morning..

so
i went to the library, got books on places to see and things to do before i die.. majestical magical places to entertain my mind.. to dream about.. ate a whole bag of Flat Earth garlic herb vegetable chips and started on the mixing of the drinks. (only one so far though..)

I have no idea what to think
i WANT sooooo badly to stay here with my boys..
but at the same time. i am ashamed and embarrassed at the accusations.
I could take the easy way out.. run away.. find a new life.. start over in Oregon.., stay with my parents in Augusta until i find a job there...
but i love it so much up here.. the people i work with.. the random people i talk with on the streets.. the kids i work for.. the beautiful landscape and greenness.. the changing colors of the leaves.. my other job... my fun round chair and record player and how i feel when i step into my room.. the overwhelming sensation of happiness and excitement when i get to work and the slight ball of disappointment when i have to leave-no matter how stressful my time on work was...

i think i may entertain the idea..
...browse around for job opportunities over that way...
why not?

ITs cold here anyway.

and i have wayyyy to hard of a time facing my feelings .. talking to people about things.. and.. lately.. getting people to BELIEVE that what i say is real
and still
have no idea
what i want from life
what i want right now
etc.

Off to DC we go!!

Wow..
hard.,. yet sweet road to recovery..
had amazingly peaceful days of sickness... got woken up at 5 am on Tuesday morning by my sick friend.. tried to heal him.. failed miserably and ended up getting sick myself.. Ooppsie!!
but atleast we got to spend the most amount of time together ever! :) ... even though we both were hacking.. coughing.. aching.. icky..
aNd i still worked.. and babysat.. and had the urge to go bear hunting *there was a bear on the loose near where we live*

AND NOW
TOMORROW
back to the boys...
we embark on a journey to Washington DC for the ENTIRE week..
just the 8 boys.. Zack.. Bailey and I.. out in the real world.. the BIG city.. visiting museums.. experiencing cultures and people of all kinds.. being polite and publicly appropriate.. camping out under a tarp every night and heading to the civilize city during the day..

and i just got word that they spent a lot of the day hitting each other in the balls..

this should be an interesting week..


OH !
and i dyed my hair today!! after being bedridden since Wednesday i decided i needed some sort of pick me up before i went back to work.. its .. fun! :) a dark purply reddy color.. like the color of black cherry frozen yogurt..